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Posts: 2177
Location: the BIG Metropolis of TR | O.K. Guys, Time for a little break.....Enough talk of Guitar Centers,Pay-Pal,etc. Let's have some humor 'cause lifes to short and we need to laugh more!!
Joke-O-the-Day......
A guy sees a sign in front of a house in Travelers Rest: "Talking Dog for Sale." He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the back yard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black lab mutt just sitting there."You talk?" he asks. "Sure do." the dog replies. The guy says."So, what's your story?"
The dog looks up and says, "Well, I discovered my gift of talking pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told MI5 about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running."
"The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in."
"I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded loads of medals.Had a wife, a few puppies, and now I'm just retired."
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
The owner says, "Five dollars."
The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"
"Cause he's a liar.....he's never done any of that stuff!!"
:D :D :D |
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April 2004
Posts: 13303
Location: Latitude 39.56819, Longitude -105.080066 | A little girl is talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal, it's throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven, I will ask Jonah."
The teacher asked, "And what if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you can ask him!"
:rolleyes: :cool: ;) |
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February 2003
Posts: 2177
Location: the BIG Metropolis of TR | These guys can't talk......but they can sure eat corn off the cob thru a picket fence!!!
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April 2004
Posts: 13303
Location: Latitude 39.56819, Longitude -105.080066 | I recognize Jeff W and Cliff but I can't identify the third one. |
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February 2003
Posts: 2177
Location: the BIG Metropolis of TR | ....Dave..... |
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December 2003
Posts: 13984
Location: Upper Left USA | Did you hear about the two maggots that were working in dead ernest?
How about the cannibal that passed an old friend?
BTW - these are in fond memory of my Dad who gave me my sense of humor and at least half of my material! |
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December 2003
Posts: 13984
Location: Upper Left USA | that was doggone funny... |
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February 2003
Posts: 2177
Location: the BIG Metropolis of TR | Little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy,
how was I born?"
The father answers: "Well, son, I guess one day
you will need to find out anyway!
Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room
on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a
cyber-cafe.
We sneaked into a secluded room, where your
mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to
upload, we discovered that
neither one of us had used a firewall, and since
it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a blessed
little Pop-Up appeared and said: You got Male. |
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April 2003
Posts: 2503
Location: Fayetteville, NC | Fred and Mary got married but couldn't afford a hotel,
so they went back to his mom and dads for the night.
In the morning, Fred's brother, little Johnny, got up and had his breakfast.
As he went out of the door to go to school, he asked his mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.
"No".She replied.
Then Johnny asked, "Do you know what I think? "
to which His mom replied, "Never mind what you think! Just go to school."
ohnny later came home for lunch and asked his mom,
"Are Fred and Mary up yet?"
No," his mother had replied.
Johnny again asked, "Do you know what I think?"
Again, his mom had replied,"Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school."
After school, he came home and asked,
"Are Fred and Mary up yet?"
No," his mother had tersely replied.
Johnny said, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom finslly replies
"OK! What do you think?"
"Well, he began, last night Fred came in for the Vaseline and I think I Gave him my airplane glue!" |
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February 2004
Posts: 2487
| Hope this one has not been heard by all;
One day in school the teacher is telling her class a story about the three little pigs and she gets to the part where the farmer is pushing a wheel barrow full of hay up the road and a pig is passing him from the other way......
The teachers says; Now as the farmer passes the pig the pig askes the farmer "where are you going with all that hay mr. farmer?" then the teacher asks the class; What do you think the Farmer said? ....one little kid raises his hand right away and the teacher calls on him........OK Cliffy what did that farmer say when the pig asked him about the hay? Cliffy say's
"Well teacher....... that F*cking Farmers eyes go really F#cking big and he Fu#king yelled out Holy Mother Fu#king sh!t ...... a Godd@m talking Fu#kin PIG!!!!!!"
I am sorry for that! Just got done fighting with Brian for no good reason and I needed to do that.
We are better we have communicated! We are both nuts just like the rest of you. Not to worry. Please don't stop the jokes these are good ones!
Accept for mine. Al, Miles I was BaAd I know it! Please send me to my music room! Make me stay in there until I learn another song!
Thanks all
Randy |
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November 2003
Posts: 11039
Location: Earth·SolarSystem·LocalInterstellarCloud·Local Bub | it's Weaser... |
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Take A Break......
