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SONGWRITING

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DaveKell
Posted 2018-03-22 8:25 AM (#541785)
Subject: SONGWRITING


Joined:
November 2011
Posts: 682

Location: Fort Worth, TX

At the urging of Love O Fair, I'm starting this thread to showcase the works of any amateur songwriters who might lurk in these hallowed digital walls. Posting a link to a recording of your work would be great too, and the quality doesn't need to be a studio production. Just you, an Ovation and recording device in your garage is entirely suitable. Don't worry if you're not a singer of Darkbar's caliber, I've learned recently a lot of songwriters hire others with a good voice to record their songs when they're at the end of the long processes involved and are ready to have their songs pitched to an artist. This is just for fun and appreciation of the effort of songwriting. Someone also might make a suggestion for a revsion to a line or two that will be a vast improvement to your composition. The first one I'm posting is what I think falls into the category of a tried and true country theme, the salvation of a drunk. I began writing this song at a jam I attend every Friday with a room full of ancient cowboys whose repertoire is solid gold ancient country music. The following Friday one of the participants gave me a typed page with contributions to the song he thought would fit the direction I wanted to take it. I took his lyrics home, combined them into mine and then did a final rewriting. I scored it as a simple two chord song to make it into a jam friendly piece that has become part of our regular repertoire now. Here it is, it's called JACK and SAM.


At one time the bottle used to own me
Whiskey seemed to be my best friend
I was the ever lovin' life of the party
With me there the good times would never end

All my friends suddenly began to slip away
I found myself mostly drinkin' alone
I guess the life of the party wasn't fun anymore
And all my party friends just went on home

Who needs 'em, let 'em go! I began to cry
I'll just have another ice cold beer
Then I heard this little voice comin' through his bedroom door
My little boy's prayer fell upon my drunken ear

"Daddy has some old friends and no time for me
I just want him back so he can play with me
We used to be so close he called me his little man
Jesus give my daddy back to me
He takes Jack Daniels fishin', Sam Adams brings him home
And I can't wait to see him but he never stays at home
Jesus he's a mess, I hope you see
Will you please give my daddy back to momma and me"

He finished his prayer as I leaned against the wall
With my head in my hands tryin' not to cry
I finally found the courage to say goodbye to it all
God helped me tell Jack and Sam goodbye

"Daddy has some old friends and no time for me
I just want him back so he can play with me
Jesus he's a mess, I know you see
Will you please give my daddy back to momma and me"

I said Lord thanks for showin' me it's never too late
And bless my boy, bless him Lord for helpin' me get straight

 

Here's the raw recording, which amply demonstrates my comment about not needing to be a good singer to demo your song!

https://soundcloud.com/user-566557345/jack-and-sam

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DaveKell
Posted 2018-03-22 8:42 AM (#541786 - in reply to #541785)
Subject: RE: SONGWRITING


Joined:
November 2011
Posts: 682

Location: Fort Worth, TX

I decided to post this one as well after reading Darkbar's lyrics in another thread about a bar he used to hang out at with his friends. I never hung out at the bar this song is about, I would've been about 10 years old when it was in its heyday. Over the course of 7 months of regularly attending a Friday night jam, I've hear several reminiscing comments made about this bar by 3 of the jam participants. Leon, the old guy who runs the jam and plays solos on his Tele, the old drummer named Howard, and Bill, the bass player, all used to be in a band together over 40 years ago that regularly played at Leon's beer joint on the storied Jacksboro Highway in Fort Worth. Just as an aside, one of the many beer joints was called the 50/50, and legend has it the name came from the fact that once you entered it, you had a 50/50 chance of coming back out alive. Another beer joint opened up next to Leon's that was called The Old Sawmill. They put up a wood fence to keep their customers from wandering next door to Leon's club. After hearing about how people used to climb the fence to get to Leon's, I figured I had enough to write this song and surprise the three old bandmates at the next jam. I wish I had a recording of the blazing solos Leon improvised for it the first time I played it. A very magical moment. Here is The Club Leon.

The beer joints in Fort Worth were second to none
Everybody's favorite was the Club Leon
The ol' Sawmill beer joint lost more customers by far
Cos everybody jumped their fence to go drinkin' at Leon's bar

THE MUSIC PLAYED NON STOP WITH THE BEST PICKERS AROUND
HOWARD WAS ON THE DRUMS HOLDIN' THE BEAT DOWN
BILL WAS ON THE BASS KEEPIN' EVERYONE IN THE POCKET
PEOPLE WOULD STAND AND YELL HEY LEON WILL YOU ROCK IT

The dance floor was always full long after midnight
Nobody wanted to leave when they flickered the light
Goodnight Irene was played after last call
Leon's Club was the favorite of one and all (CHORUS)

Everyone knew Leon's gun was right behind the bar
He could wing you before you could make it to your car
Nobody ever wanted to get involved in a fight
Leon's was the place to be on Friday & Saturday night

It was a sad day in Ft. Worth when Leon's closed down
Everybody thought it was the best beer joint in town
The night life in Texas would never be the same
The owner of the best beer joint, Leon was his name (CHORUS)

https://soundcloud.com/user-566557345/club-leon

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DaveKell
Posted 2018-03-22 10:22 AM (#541788 - in reply to #541785)
Subject: RE: SONGWRITING


Joined:
November 2011
Posts: 682

Location: Fort Worth, TX
Okay, before I come off a bogarting my own thread, here's the last one I'll post for awhile. Living in Texas a big part of the cowboy culture I'm surrounded by in my neighborhood, with three lighted roping arenas in sight from my back patio, is the phenomenon of guys with a protruding bulge below their lower lip. When I walk down my rural street to visit neighbors I often see discarded Copenhagen smokeless tobacco cans. It's incredibly prevalent here and I've overheard more than one conversation between women who are disgusted by it. I haven't scored and recorded this one yet, but here are the lyrics I wrote this morning. It's called DOWN TO MY LAST DIP AGAIN.

My woman is determined to get dip outa my life

It causes her resentment & causes her strife

I'll admit that it isn't doing me much good

It's a habit I'd walk away from if I could

(CHORUS)

I'M DOWN TO MY LAST DIP AGAIN, ANOTHER CAN IS EMPTY

I'M HOPING THIS TIME, THE URGE WON'T TEMPT ME

I'LL TRY HARDER THIS TIME NOT TO BUY ANOTHER CAN

I'LL DO MY BEST TO BE YOUR BRAND NEW MAN

SHE SAID THAT RIGHT NOW SHE JUST CAN'T KISS ME

& HERE I AM AGAIN WITH A CAN THAT'S EMPTY


Who am I kiddin', a dip is my friend

It relaxes then gives me energy again

I love the feel of the warm balm in my lip

If I try to quit I know I'll only slip


She said “I see you're dippin' another load of crap

I find it as disgusting as a skunk in your lap”

She said “that stuff's turnin' your teeth yellow

& maybe I need to find another fellow" (CHORUS)

(TAG)

Darlin' if I'm not successful I don't know what I'll do

I'll likely end up spittin' & hardly missin' you

I'll likely end up spittin' & hardly missin' you

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Love O Fair
Posted 2018-03-22 1:55 PM (#541797 - in reply to #541785)
Subject: Re: SONGWRITING



Joined:
February 2016
Posts: 816

Location: Spin axis of a California map
Dave..
Nice selections! What you said about your style being from 50 years back.. I am thinking even further. More like the 1930's. Bob Wills-like. Very cool.. and your sign painting studio sound is great! Don't change it! I put on "Club Leon" in my home office and cranked it loud to echo through the house while I went in and made coffee. Most of Texas family is from there in the DFW area (Arlington.. Mansfield.. Plano). I haven't been down for quite a while to visit, but I totally absorb the culture and always come home with a drawl... and you'd surely bust a gut if you were to see the the lacky attempts they make around here with roadside BBQ. Pathetic.

The final tag on "Down to My Last Dip Again" leaves me to wonder if he is "hardly missin" her in his heart.. or with the actual spit. I'll go with the spit :-)

There isn't much at present, but let me wake up and blow the dust off some lyric files and see what I am can post. Oh, and thanks for heeding my suggestion on the thread. Could be interesting.

Back in a bit.

Edited by Love O Fair 2018-03-22 2:21 PM
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Love O Fair
Posted 2018-03-22 2:41 PM (#541798 - in reply to #541785)
Subject: Re: SONGWRITING



Joined:
February 2016
Posts: 816

Location: Spin axis of a California map
I enjoy writing quick and quippy slapstick. Certainly nothing deep or poignant. Most don’t get saved, but maybe I should start. I mentioned on the other thread about falling in love at a truck stop.. so here’s one that I came up with a few weeks ago after a buddy and I were reminiscing the topic during Superbowl.

A SONG ABOUT THE HEART

He was a truckin' fool from Alabama
With one thing on his mind.
He hauled that freight from coast to coast
Sometimes 'till he was blind.

Late one night he pulled off I-80
And just before he hit the hay,
He found his love in booth number six
At the ol' Gear Jammer’s Cafe.

Every trucker's dream was just sittin' there
Starin' him in the face
So goll dern pretty, so fine and fresh
Turnin' every head in the place.

He took one look and fell in love
The future was lookin’ bright.
It was the finest chow that money could buy
And he took his very first bite.

-*- chorus -*-
There's meat and cheese and mystery spice
Enough mayo to float a boat.
With lots of grease and soggy lettuce
To help it slide down your throat.
It’s bliss on a plate, bound for legend
Of paradise on the road.
The crowning jewel of highway sandwiches
The Trucker's Payload.

-*- optional solo -*-

He finished her up and dabbed his lip
Then headed for his truck.
He'd had the best and life was good
When came a change of luck.

The cholesterol bomb he'd just consumed
Had settled in his heart
He died that night, alone in the sleeper
His aorta blown apart.

-*- repeat chorus -*-
There's meat and cheese and mystery spice
Enough mayo to float a boat.
With lots of grease and soggy lettuce
To help it slide down your throat.
It’s bliss on a plate, bound for legend
Of paradise on the road.
The crowning jewel of highway sandwiches
The Trucker's Payload.


Edited by Love O Fair 2018-03-22 2:46 PM
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DaveKell
Posted 2018-03-22 2:43 PM (#541799 - in reply to #541797)
Subject: Re: SONGWRITING


Joined:
November 2011
Posts: 682

Location: Fort Worth, TX
Love O Fair - 2018-03-22 1:55 PM

Dave..
Nice selections! What you said about your style being from 50 years back.. I am thinking even further. More like the 1930's. Bob Wills-like. Very cool.. and your sign painting studio sound is great! Don't change it! I put on "Club Leon" in my home office and cranked it loud to echo through the house while I went in and made coffee. Most of Texas family is from there in the DFW area (Arlington.. Mansfield.. Plano). I haven't been down for quite a while to visit, but I totally absorb the culture and always come home with a drawl... and you'd surely bust a gut if you were to see the the lacky attempts they make around here with roadside BBQ. Pathetic.

The final tag on "Down to My Last Dip Again" leaves me to wonder if he is "hardly missin" her in his heart.. or with the actual spit. I'll go with the spit :-)

There isn't much at present, but let me wake up and blow the dust off some lyric files and see what I am can post. Oh, and thanks for heeding my suggestion on the thread. Could be interesting.

Back in a bit.


Thanks. Years ago I did a sign for Bob Wills' daughter and wife when they opened the Bob Wills Museum in the Fort Worth stockyards where Billy Bobs is. Bob's bass player was there and came out and held my ladder when I was hanging the sign. My closest brush with legendary Texas greatness.

I feel an explanation might be due of one line in Club Leon. The "Bill was on the bass keepin' everyone in the pocket". In the pocket is a bassist term for playin' in the groove, or, keepin' it in the pocket.

I'm sure it's the spit, but some of those lines will inevitably have to change a little when I score it.
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Love O Fair
Posted 2018-03-22 2:58 PM (#541800 - in reply to #541785)
Subject: Re: SONGWRITING



Joined:
February 2016
Posts: 816

Location: Spin axis of a California map
Oh.. and please feel free to attach your own music to the above selection and record it at will.

Billy Bob's. Speaking of having a heart pounding experience.. I was at Billy Bob's once on a weekday afternoon when they had the liquor supply cavern opened up to restock the bars. Holy crap. It was like witnessing rapture. Millions of dollars worth of liquid joy stacked up in that room.
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DaveKell
Posted 2018-03-22 3:13 PM (#541802 - in reply to #541785)
Subject: Re: SONGWRITING


Joined:
November 2011
Posts: 682

Location: Fort Worth, TX
A SONG ABOUT THE HEART. I'd add a comment that's been made about a few of my songs... sounds like a John Prine number. I wouldn't describe it as slap stick at all. It's a story told in a logical sequence. My next one I'll post somebody described as a sexual double entendre on steroids!
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DaveKell
Posted 2018-03-22 3:30 PM (#541803 - in reply to #541785)
Subject: RE: SONGWRITING


Joined:
November 2011
Posts: 682

Location: Fort Worth, TX
Another one I wrote in my head while driving out of Atlanta, Georgia recently. Hard to remember things you have to keep repeating in your head till you get somewhere to write it down! When I played it for my wife she commented "you have a dirty mind".

GEORGIA IN ATLANTA
I met her in a bar where she sat cryin'
Right out of Atlanta and the sparks were flyin'
She said her name was Georgia and
She's doin' all she can
To get over a low down
Slow drivin' man

She said a slow drivin' man
Can't get her where she wants to go
A slow drivin' man can't
Teach her what she wants to know
I offered her a ride and she took me by the hand, & said
"Baby I'm prayin' you ain't a slow drivin' man"

NOW I'M HAULIN' 'CROSS GEORGIA JUST AS FAST AS I CAN
CHECKIN' OUT THE CURVES WITH A STICKSHIFT IN MY HAND
CRUISIN' DOWN IN A VALLEY WHERE I FOUND A LOT OF THRILLS
SHIFTIN' GEARS I'M RACIN' BACK UP INTO THE HILLS
HAULIN' 'CROSS GEORGIA JUST AS FAST AS I CAN
BABE I GOTTA WARN YA AIN'T A SLOW DRIVIN' MAN

(Bridge)
Through an overpass never touchin' the brake
In an underpass my car began to shake
Bumpin' down a long windin' country road
Prayin' all the while my motor don't explode!

After our ride I drove her back to the bar
She hopped out & said "boy I LOVED your car
If you come back to Atlanta please drop in
I'll be here ready to go ridin' again"

Because a slow drivin' man can't
Get here where she wants to go
A slow drivin' man teach her
What she wants to know
I offered her a ride and she took
me by the hand
Right then she saw I ain't
A slow drivin' man

NOW I'M HAULIN' 'CROSS GEORGIA JUST AS FAST AS I CAN
CHECKIN' OUT HER CURVES WITH MY STICKSHIFT IN MY HAND
CRUISIN' DOWN IN THAT VALLEY WHERE I FOUND A LOT OF THRILLS
SHIFTIN' GEARS I'M RACIN' BACK UP INTO THOSE HILLS
HAULIN' 'CROSS GEORGIA JUST AS FAST AS I CAN
BABY YOU SEE I AIN'T A SLOW DRIVIN' MAN
BABY YOU KNOW I AIN'T A SLOOOOOOW DRIVIN' MAN


I hear this in a rockabilly vein. Or at least with the energy of Delbert McClinton's version of Everytime I Roll The Dice.
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Love O Fair
Posted 2018-03-22 3:40 PM (#541805 - in reply to #541785)
Subject: Re: SONGWRITING



Joined:
February 2016
Posts: 816

Location: Spin axis of a California map
I'm one foot out the door for a few days in SLC, so I will add one more piece and blast outta here.

Far from "slapstick", I wrote this short ballad in 2010 about my late brother and his career. The single-most fascinating life of anyone I will ever know. Hopefully my wording choices here were hinty enough to explain how he made his living.

“In Stead”

It was a rumble
A big ol’ rumble
It shook the walls, it shook the halls
It nearly made me fall and tumble.

We lived out yonder
So he’d buzz us down
With his four-engine wake-up calls
Schmoe’s back in town.

It was a bender
A big ol’ bender
On the road hotel, with a Reno belle
A hungover morning blitz would render.

They tracked me down
Ma called and said
Go out and see your brother’s new plane
He’s up in Stead.

-*- chorus -*-
There’s a promise to beginnings
Big sadness in the end
If I had known that morning
I’d have begged him to suspend.
A future sought with threats of fate
The miles of scarlet band
That Schmoe and Zero-Niner
Would drop across this land.

It was a dream job
A big ol’ dream job
His trademark style, a daredevil smile
The paycheck made a big gob.

And not one state
On the nation’s list
Would omit his seasoned skill
And the lives it kissed.

-*- solo break -*-

It was a fire
A big ol’ fire
Sixty-one years bred, of all places Stead
The end of Schmoe’s desire.

The left wing flamed
and off it burned
Three men onboard that day
And none returned.

-*- repeat chorus -*- (augmented)

There’s a promise to beginnings
Big sadness in the end
If I had known that morning
I’d have begged him to suspend.
His future life, the years of dare
The miles of scarlet band
That Schmoe and Zero-Niner
Laid across this grateful land.


Lyrical story reference:

“Schmoe” -- The nickname I long ago bestowed upon my brother. His final words as captured on the cockpit voice recorder-- “A big ol’ fire”
“Stead”-- A small town in Nevada, near Reno, with an airfield that serves fire attack aviation. I’d meet up for visits with Schmoe at various dispatch bases around the country, though ironically, I only visited Stead Field twice-- the day after he acquired the plane there, and the day after he died in it there.. many years apart.
Gonzo -- (not mentioned in the song) nickname of Schmoe’s long-time co-pilot. Not only could Gonzo play guitar and sing like a complete pro, his songwriting skills were absolutely stellar. He collected Martin guitars.
”Dream Job” -- Words screen printed on T-shirts made by the ambitious young flight engineer, Zach. The crash was Zach’s first career flight. Age 23. Some dream, ‘eh?
“Zero-Niner” (09) - The tail number designation of the fire tanker my brother piloted across America for 26 years. She was a beloved member of our family, a Lockheed Neptune (outfitted with both jets & props) seen here: http://www.visitingphx.com/ip8e.html


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DaveKell
Posted 2018-03-28 11:41 AM (#541896 - in reply to #541785)
Subject: RE: SONGWRITING


Joined:
November 2011
Posts: 682

Location: Fort Worth, TX
LOF... I'm sorry to have learned about your brother's demise. He sounds like a guy who would've been my hero with a genuinely thrilling occupation. Your song made me remember a newsclip I once watched of a crash involving a C130 aircraft outfitted as a tanker for fire fighting. The scene showed a large hill ablaze. Suddenly the aircraft is seen cresting the hill and rising suddenly above it, at which point both wings snapped off and the plane nose dived into the fire killing all 4 aboard. My guess is, from training I received in the past as a pilot. they were trying to make an intense maneuver to avoid hitting the hill. The stress on the wings, with the plane being fully loaded and heavy, was beyond the envelope of what the plane could handle and resulted in the tragedy.

I think your lyrics are crafted very well in telling the story. As for your previous comments about another plane crash you've been trying to write about for some time, for some reason the first thought I had was the song The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald. That song shows it is possible to write a song about such things and I hope you continue to pursue it.

For now, I have one last song I'm posting lyrics for. This thread isn't getting much participation beyond you and me. I'd have thought there was surely more songwriters on this forum.
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DaveKell
Posted 2018-03-28 11:46 AM (#541897 - in reply to #541785)
Subject: RE: SONGWRITING


Joined:
November 2011
Posts: 682

Location: Fort Worth, TX
This song is another I have yet to score. Still trying to decide a suitable tempo and vein for what direction to take it in. Suggestions welcomed.
It's called SMALL STEPS


Baby steps, small steps, call 'em what you will
Not moving fast, crawling, or even standing still
I'll give all the time it takes to end up in your heart
Even stopping awhile till it's time again to start

Love at first sight I never believed was true
But here I am now, and the rest is up to you
Turning out the lights, I'll hold you in the dark
Shutting off my car I'll shove the gear in park

IF IT'S SMALL STEPS YOU WANT THEN THAT'S WHAT YOU'LL GET
LAUGHING IN A POURING RAIN AND GETTING SOAKING WET
WE CAN TALK ALL NIGHT TILL OUR FACES BOTH TURN BLUE,
IF SMALL STEPS ARE WHAT IT TAKES TO END UP WITH YOU
I'VE NEVER BEEN KNOWN TO GO THIS WAY BEFORE, BUT
I'LL SLOW MY ROLL IF THAT'S HOW I'LL GET IN YOUR DOOR

(bridge) We just met and you've yet to figure out
What this feeling is really all about
There's no secrets when it comes to me
What you get is truly what you see

The music in this bar makes it hard to hear a sound
There's enough light to see though what I really found
I'm not using any pickup lines on you tonight
All I have to say is I wanna treat you right

Your hand on my knee, laughing, is a really good sign
The smile on your face shows you could end up mine
I'm glad you agreed we need to find a quieter place
If you're falling in love, it's showing on your face (CHORUS)

(tag)
I didn't come here tonight with any plan of what to do
I'm lovin' the jealous looks I get walkin' out with you


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DaveKell
Posted 2018-03-28 3:08 PM (#541899 - in reply to #541785)
Subject: RE: SONGWRITING


Joined:
November 2011
Posts: 682

Location: Fort Worth, TX
STOP THE PRESSES! I really didn't like the last lyrics I posted so I changed it up some with this rewrite. I like the direction of this version better. Retitled to LOVE AT FIRST NIGHT


Shuttin' off the car & put the gear in park
Turnin' out the lights, I held you in the dark
Giving the time it takes to get to your heart
Stoppin' awhile till it's time again to start

We just met & you haven't figured out
What this feeling is really all about
But it's no secret when it comes to me
I'll tell you what it is I'm sure I see

THIS IS LOVE AT FIRST NIGHT
THE MUSIC IN THAT BAR MADE IT HARD TO HEAR A SOUND
BUT WE HAD ENOUGH LIGHT TO SEE WHAT WE'D FOUND
WE WERE FALLING IN LOVE, I SAW IT ON YOUR FACE
I WAS GLAD YOU SAID "LET'S FIND A QUIETER PLACE"
THIS IS LOVE AT FIRST NIGHT
LET ME HOLD YOU BABY TILL THE SKY TURNS BLUE
LOVE AT FIRST NIGHT, BEING HERE WITH YOU

Baby steps, small steps, call 'em what you will
Slowin' to a crawl, or even standing still
There was no need for pickup lines tonight
Here we are now & I'll treat you right

I didn't come here with a plan of what to do
I got a lot of jealous looks leaving with you
I'll admit this never happened before
& I'm glad tonight found me at your door (CHORUS)
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Love O Fair
Posted 2018-03-28 4:30 PM (#541900 - in reply to #541785)
Subject: Re: SONGWRITING



Joined:
February 2016
Posts: 816

Location: Spin axis of a California map
@DaveKell >>>I'd have thought there was surely more songwriters on this forum.<<<

I think there are, but probably not so inclined to participate on a thread like this is. After all, it is a guitar site, so I expect that topical interest here is more into the instrument itself than the result it produces. Maybe it'll get brought back up from time to time.

>>>As for your previous comments about another plane crash you've been trying to write about for some time<<<

Thanks for your kind words about my bro. He was definitely a one-off type. The other crash I referred to was the bombing of Pan Am 103. I did editorial assistance for several years on a periodical called Truth Quest.. an association publication for victim families. There were 270, though the song I wrote about it focuses more on the 35 students from Syracuse University who were on the flight. Then, oddly enough, thirteen years after that, two of my own family members (aunt and cousin) were passengers on the first plane to crash at the Trade Center on 9/11.. so yeah.. airline terrorism is something I am actually quite well versed in. Just not an easy thing for me to write music for and have it turn out the way I want it to. Maybe eventually. My brother's crash, on the other hand, at least had a bit of glory to its history that could be exemplified in song.

>>>crash involving a C130<<<

You got it right.. a classic study in wing pressure overload. That incident was here in California, and loaned to total upheaval throughout the industry in terms of grounding all the heavy tankers in the USA, not just the C-130s, for a full season and a half. The newest preferred platform is the BAe-146. Much newer and safer than the old heavies were. I knock on wood when I say that since I still have many friends in the business.

>>>Still trying to decide a suitable tempo and vein for what direction to take it in.<<<

Aren't we all. It''s obviously difficult to "hear" what text lyrics have in mind for music.. but your last post definitely rigs true to your traditional Texas and southern style. And it's clear to see why your wife can get jealous about your musical "girlfriends".. or at least curious.. lol. Be sure to let us know when it's available on your sound site so the match up can be made with ears instead of eyes.

So on we go. Maybe someone else will eventually post some pieces on here.



Edited by Love O Fair 2018-03-28 4:33 PM
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Darkbar
Posted 2018-03-29 6:01 AM (#541908 - in reply to #541900)
Subject: Re: SONGWRITING



Joined:
January 2009
Posts: 4493

Location: Flahdaw
Love O Fair - 2018-03-28 5:30 PM

@DaveKell >>>I'd have thought there was surely more songwriters on this forum.<<<

I think there are, but probably not so inclined to participate on a thread like this is. After all, it is a guitar site, so I expect that topical interest here is more into the instrument itself than the result it produces. Maybe it'll get brought back up from time to time.

So on we go. Maybe someone else will eventually post some pieces on here.


Yeah, as much as I like unconventional threads on this forum, THIS one is a bit TOO specific. There are several very good "songwriting" forums on the net (Songstuff, TheSongwritersForum, NashvilleSongwriters, etc) where the interaction and feedplay would be much better for you guys. I think that's why there hasn't been any back and forth, but there has been quite a bit of "views".
But, by all means, continue.....the songs posted so far are really good.
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DaveKell
Posted 2018-03-29 9:53 AM (#541911 - in reply to #541908)
Subject: Re: SONGWRITING


Joined:
November 2011
Posts: 682

Location: Fort Worth, TX
Darkbar - 2018-03-29 6:01 AM

But, by all means, continue.....the songs posted so far are really good.


From the bottom of my heart, thanks for that comment. I was so hoping you'd post a second song so I could write and post Duane's Eyes.
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DaveKell
Posted 2018-03-29 11:11 AM (#541912 - in reply to #541785)
Subject: RE: SONGWRITING


Joined:
November 2011
Posts: 682

Location: Fort Worth, TX

Here's the raw recording of LOVE AT FIRST NIGHT. Very much still a work in progress!

 

https://soundcloud.com/user-566557345/love-at-first-night

 

Don't worry, I'm done for awhile now.

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Darkbar
Posted 2018-03-29 4:05 PM (#541920 - in reply to #541785)
Subject: Re: SONGWRITING



Joined:
January 2009
Posts: 4493

Location: Flahdaw
Ok DaveKell....just so you'll write "Duane's Eyes", here's an OLD song I wrote and never did anything with. But it still counts....

20 YEARS AGO (stupid title, I would change that now...)


I ‘m lying here in the dark, remembering a different night

A darkened path along the shore, not another soul in sight

Walking with you hand in hand

To where the ocean met the land

I spread a blanket on the sand, 20 years ago


The end of high school, summer break, we thought the world was ours to take

I met you at a party and I asked you for a date

I picked you up in my father’s car

A quiet movie and a noisy bar

Then that blanket beneath the stars, 20 years ago.


Teenage kids, a summer crush

We took our time, but felt the rush

The weeks crashed by like waves upon the sand


Before we knew it September came, I left for school, you did the same.

We promised that we’d write each day, but then life got in the way

Then someone told me you met a guy

I should’ve called but I didn’t try

And life moved on and time flew by, 20 years ago.


Teenage kids, a summer crush

We took our time, but felt the rush

The weeks crashed by like waves upon the sand


I thought about you yesterday, that’s why I’m writing you today

I searched and found your FaceBook page but I don’t know what to say.

I’m not trying to stir things up

I really don’t expect too much

I just thought that maybe we could get in touch again…

And smile about those days back then…. 20 years ago.

Edited by Darkbar 2018-03-29 4:07 PM
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stonebobbo
Posted 2018-03-29 5:19 PM (#541921 - in reply to #541896)
Subject: RE: SONGWRITING



Joined:
August 2002
Posts: 8272

Location: California

DaveKell - I'd have thought there was surely more songwriters on this forum.

There are, but I think no one wanted to interrupt your love fest.  Haha.

Lots of people wrote songs for the OFC albums that were issued.  You should track them down and check them out.  There are a number of truly outstanding compositions from some very talented people. 

Then of course a number of members here write and release music that get published and they get paid for playing in public to audiences and fans. Maybe some of them will chime in here.

Much of the art of songwriting we strive for is writing the music parts and making them compliment, -nay, accentuate - the lyrics.  I think I work harder at working out all the nuances of the instrumentation and playing all the parts than I do at writing the lyrics.  And to be honest, the lyrics that usually make the cut to becoming a real song were all written very quickly ... in many cases measured in mere minutes ... not days, weeks or months.

Anyway, if you're interested, here's a link to a page where I post some of my songs.  All were self recorded and produced so please excuse the amateurishness that you will encounter.  There may be a couple of covers, but nearly all are originals.  https://www.reverbnation.com/bobborama/songs

 



Edited by stonebobbo 2018-03-29 5:22 PM
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Love O Fair
Posted 2018-03-29 8:18 PM (#541925 - in reply to #541785)
Subject: Re: SONGWRITING



Joined:
February 2016
Posts: 816

Location: Spin axis of a California map
@Darkbar - >>>Ok DaveKell....just so you'll write "Duane's Eyes"<<<

HA! Yes! I just knew it would come! Hit it, Dave. You have 24 hours.

In the meantime, Darkbar comes through with descriptive and mindful romance. Nice one there. I hear shades of "Summer of '42" in that one. Very nice.

@Stonebobbo - >>>I think no one wanted to interrupt your love fest. Haha.<<<

Hell, come on in. There's a tub of mazola over in the table if you want any.

Nice job on all your songs! I really liked your instrumental work on "Carmelo". Definitely some high spirit there. I'll be sure to roll it out whilst full moon hooting with buddies at the lake tomorrow night. For your vocals I'm going with "And I Turn" as my fave. Very cool on the spoken spread. I've been thinking of working on pieces like that since my voice is better suited to a narrative mix. I also have a couple dozen voice characters of many genre that I've honed and assimilated into daily life for decades who may sound interesting with musical background.. both serious and comedic.

I'm so new to recording.. and so crappy on singing.. and so stuck on an island with no one.. zero.. to jam and learn with. Thanks to people like you guys and others here who like to record I may just be inspired enough to get off my lazy butt someday soon and actually flip some switches and turn some knobs before the rats and roaches completely take over my studio.

Edited by Love O Fair 2018-03-29 8:33 PM
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stonebobbo
Posted 2018-03-29 11:24 PM (#541931 - in reply to #541785)
Subject: Re: SONGWRITING



Joined:
August 2002
Posts: 8272

Location: California
Thanks for the kind words, LOF. As far as recording goes, you gotta just dive in.
I played a lot of different Ovations on all of those tunes. Carmelo features an Adamas OFC Slot Head (as a nod to Gary Hoey) using the stereo out panned fairly hard left and right along with being miked in center front to give it a cool full effect, and the lead guitar is my all mahogany Viper through a Fender Pro Reverb using the hot bridge pickup. There are no effects except for the tube reverb built into the Fender. I would’ve used my Strat so I’d have a trem, but I wrote it for the Day at the Beach OFC CD so The Viper got its day. I surprised myself with the tone I got and it gave me the more edgy surf guitar tone I was going for. Ovation guitars came through again. I played the bass part on an Ovation EAB68 Viper bass. I put the triangle into the mix as a tribute to Out of Limits by The Markettes (Glen Campbell played on a number of their recordings during his Wrecking Crew days). In some ways, it was harder to write an instrumental.
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DaveKell
Posted 2018-03-30 9:44 AM (#541936 - in reply to #541921)
Subject: RE: SONGWRITING


Joined:
November 2011
Posts: 682

Location: Fort Worth, TX
stonebobbo - 2018-03-29 5:19 PM

All were self recorded and produced so please excuse the amateurishness that you will encounter. 


Uh..... you're kidding, right? Everything in there was excellent. As for the recordings I've posted, 1) they were done with a free program on my shop computer I haven't learned how to use completely, 2) the mic was a cheap gold ball looking usb thing I don't even remember where it came from, 3) I haven't figured out the filters/effects to make my voice into anything even remotely resembling anything people would want to listen to! I just turned 65 and only started singing 8 months ago after I began attending a weekly jam where everyone has to sing the songs they play. While I AM better at it than over half the other attendees, I'm still usually not motivated to attend because of my subpar voice. I mean, some people just CAN'T sing and I'm at the head of that line. I keep going though because of my friendship with the legendary old Texas picker who runs the jam and is teaching me how to improvise solos. It's kind of incredible to watch an 83 year old man take off his cowboy hat to play his Telecaster up behind his head and never flub a note of a long intricate solo.

Really Stonebobbo, you're the type of guy who makes me think entering a songwriting competition was a colossal waste of effort! Thanks for the link to your site. Thoroughly enjoyed it.

LOF and Darkbar... while I have every intention of writing Duane's Eyes, the fact that Darkbar's second submission came days later then the first of the required two in all fairness exempts me from the aforementioned 24 hours to post it. In reality, I'll be spending most of today rehearsing a couple new songs for tonights jam and all day tomorrow I'll be visiting the niece of my friend who passed last year. She needs a little help moving more stuff into her new house an hour and a half drive from me. Rest assured though that Duane's Eyes is already percolating in my mind.
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Love O Fair
Posted 2018-03-30 10:31 AM (#541938 - in reply to #541785)
Subject: Re: SONGWRITING



Joined:
February 2016
Posts: 816

Location: Spin axis of a California map
>>>in all fairness exempts me from the aforementioned 24 hours to post it.<<<

Okay.. 48 hours. But that's it. If it's no-show in the 49th hour we're calling the sheriff and an attorney.
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DaveKell
Posted 2018-03-30 11:01 AM (#541941 - in reply to #541897)
Subject: RE: SONGWRITING


Joined:
November 2011
Posts: 682

Location: Fort Worth, TX
I'll apologize in advance for the length of this post. Song lyrics can take up a lot of room, especially when you're presenting for comparison the original as written and the final after revising it and getting the syllables sung to match a melody! This was originally titled Small Steps. Below I'll show how I rewrote it into something better I think. My Nashville songwriter friend said the second version had a good, memorable hook and would appeal more to women whom he said were the current largest purchasers of music (not that I expect anybody to EVER be buying anything I wrote!).


Baby steps, small steps, call 'em what you will
Not moving fast, crawling, or even standing still
I'll give all the time it takes to end up in your heart
Even stopping awhile till it's time again to start

Love at first sight I never believed was true
But here I am now, and the rest is up to you
Turning out the lights, I'll hold you in the dark
Shutting off my car I'll shove the gear in park

IF IT'S SMALL STEPS YOU WANT THEN THAT'S WHAT YOU'LL GET
LAUGHING IN A POURING RAIN AND GETTING SOAKING WET
WE CAN TALK ALL NIGHT TILL OUR FACES BOTH TURN BLUE,
IF SMALL STEPS ARE WHAT IT TAKES TO END UP WITH YOU
I'VE NEVER BEEN KNOWN TO GO THIS WAY BEFORE, BUT
I'LL SLOW MY ROLL IF THAT'S HOW I'LL GET IN YOUR DOOR

(bridge) We just met and you've yet to figure out
What this feeling is really all about
There's no secrets when it comes to me
What you get is truly what you see

The music in this bar makes it hard to hear a sound
There's enough light to see though what I really found
I'm not using any pickup lines on you tonight
All I have to say is I wanna treat you right

Your hand on my knee, laughing, is a really good sign
The smile on your face shows you could end up mine
I'm glad you agreed we need to find a quieter place
If you're falling in love, it's showing on your face (CHORUS)

(tag)
I didn't come here tonight with any plan of what to do
I'm lovin' the jealous looks I get walkin' out with you

AND NOW THE REWRITE TITLED "LOVE AT FIRST NIGHT"

I shut off the car, I put the gear in park
Turnin' out the light, I held you in the dark
We just met & you haven't figured out
What this feeling is really all about
But it's no secret when it comes to me
I'll tell you what it is I'm sure I see

THIS IS LOVE AT FIRST NIGHT, THIS IS WHAT WE FOUND
THE MUSIC IN THAT BAR MADE IT HARD TO HEAR A SOUND
WE WERE FALLING IN LOVE, I SAW IT ON YOUR FACE
I WAS HAPPY YOU SAID "LET'S FIND A QUIETER PLACE"
THIS IS LOVE AT FIRST NIGHT, IT'LL LAST... WHEN THE SKY... TURNS BLUE
LOVE AT FIRST NIGHT, BEING HERE WITH YOU

Baby steps, small steps, call 'em what you will
Slowin' to a crawl, or even standing still
I didn't come here with a plan of what to do
I got a lot of jealous looks leavin' with you
I'll admit this never happened before
& I'm glad tonight found me at your door
(bridge)
We were strangers until this night
Don't question why it feels so right
What we have is truly what you see
There's no other way it could be (CHORUS)


Okay, I'm completely done except for the Duane's Eyes I owe Darkbar. Coming soon.



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Love O Fair
Posted 2018-03-30 11:35 AM (#541943 - in reply to #541785)
Subject: Re: SONGWRITING



Joined:
February 2016
Posts: 816

Location: Spin axis of a California map
Dave, if it's women you want to like the song-- while the part about shutting of the car and turning off the light in the dark with a stranger she just met may sound exciting from a typical drinking man's point of view.. I think it might come off sounding kinda scary-creepy for a typical woman's taste. Then again, if the listener is the type that normally leaves bars and gets into strange mens' vehicles, she may dig it.. lol. Depends on which women you're trying to reach, I guess. You said that you're into wording and phrasing suggestions.. so that's just my $0.02 worth.





Edited by Love O Fair 2018-03-30 11:55 AM
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