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Posts: 4413
| Mensa Invitational
Here is the Washington Post's Mensa Invitational which once
again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it
by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter - and supply a new
definition.
The winners are:
1. Cashtration (n.):
The act of buying (or building) a house,
which renders the subject financially
impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus :
A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
3 Intaxication :
Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts
until you realize that it was your money to
start with.
4. Reintarnation:
Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone (n.):
The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating.
The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little
sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy :
Any misrepresentation about yourself for the
purpose of getting laid.
7. Giraffiti:
Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
8. Sarchasm :
The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit
and the person who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte:
To take coffee intravenously when you are
running late.
10. Hipatitis :
Terminal coolness.
11. Osteopornosis:
A degenerate disease.
(This one got extra credit.)
12. Karmageddon :
It's when everybody is sending off all these
really bad vibes, and then the Earth explodes
and it's a serious bummer.
13. Decafalon (n.):
The grueling event of getting through the day
consuming only things that are good for you.
14. Glibido :
All talk and no action.
15. Dopeler effect:
The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter
when they come at you rapidly.
16. Arachnoleptic fit (n.):
The frantic dance performed just after y ou've
accidentally walked through a spider web.
17. Beelzebug (n.):
Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into
your bedroom at three in the morning and
cannot be cast out.
18. Caterpallor (n.):
The color you turn after finding half a worm in
the fruit you're eating.
The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions
to
its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply
alternate
meanings for common words .
And the winners are:
1. Coffee, n.
The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted , adj.
Appalled by discovering how much weight one
has gained.
3. Abdicate, v.
To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade , v.
To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-Nilly, adj.
Impotent.
6. Negligent , adj.
Absentmindedly answering the door when
wearing only a nightgown.
7. Lymph, v.
To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle , n.
Olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence , n.
Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been
run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash , n.
A rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle, n.
A humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude , n.
The formal, dignified bearing adopted by
proctologists.
13. Pokemon, n.
A Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster , n.
A person who sprinkles his conversation with
Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism, n.
The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto
the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent , n.
An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by
Jewish men |
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Posts: 11039
Location: Earth·SolarSystem·LocalInterstellarCloud·Local Bub | Masturberate- to beat yourself up- or to be overly hard on oneself... |
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November 2004
Posts: 4413
| Ovuation - an irrational monthly desire to buy plastic guitars. |
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November 2003
Posts: 11039
Location: Earth·SolarSystem·LocalInterstellarCloud·Local Bub | Allovation- To satisfy an irrational monthly desire to buy plastic guitars by buying one. |
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February 2005
Posts: 11840
Location: closely held secret | Epiphony - a moment of sudden intuitive understanding of something that was blatantly obvious in the first place. |
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October 2006
Posts: 5575
Location: big island | epiphony - a knock off of a gibson knock off |
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July 2002
Posts: 1900
| I dated a Mensa chick once...went to Ringling Brothers Barnum & Bailey Circus...
...I fit right in there... :rolleyes: |
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February 2005
Posts: 11840
Location: closely held secret | Adumas (n) - one who scoffs at the quality of plastic backed guitars built in Connecticut without ever having played one. |
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October 2006
Posts: 5575
Location: big island | silly wabbit :D |
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November 2005
Posts: 4827
Location: Campbell River, British Columbia | Celebacy - To do without a Korean-made Ovation. |
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November 2005
Posts: 4827
Location: Campbell River, British Columbia | Ejockulation - The triumphant group hug/cheer performed by an athletic team upon scoring. |
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August 2006
Posts: 3145
Location: Marlton, NJ | 1. Gastration (n.):
The act of buying (or building) an expensive guitar,
which renders the subject financially
impotent for an indefinite period of time. |
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July 2005
Posts: 3410
Location: GA USA | Balladoer: One who performs a ballad
Opaulette: Ovation lover named Paul after a sex change
Vipar: A Viper player of average skill
Pickguard: Sorry, don't know what this is
Breadwiner: Drunk Breadwinner player, nothing new here. |
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November 2006
Posts: 3969
| :D Stop - you guys are killin' me! :D |
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December 2003
Posts: 13986
Location: Upper Left USA | On birth control: My first wife practiced obstinance.
On birth defects: I am a victim of circumcision. I was tipped off early.
But I just love the Jeff Foxworthy classic:
Sensuous…
As in “sense you was” up why didn’t you bring me a beer? |
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November 2003
Posts: 11039
Location: Earth·SolarSystem·LocalInterstellarCloud·Local Bub | Ofender.... |
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November 2005
Posts: 4827
Location: Campbell River, British Columbia | We'll all be buying those soon.
Especially the Storm series reissues....
....which will likely come out the year after the Gene Simmons Breadwinner reissue. |
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July 2005
Posts: 3410
Location: GA USA | Ofender has got to be the official OFC nickname for the first O that shows signs of Fender tampering. |
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October 2005
Posts: 4037
Location: Utah | Westosterone: A chemical found in red blooded men in the western USA, causing unapologetic masculinity and rugged good looks.
Westrogen: A chemical found in red blooded women in the western USA. A powerful antidote to Eastrogen, which is a frequent cause of snobbish irritability in women living in crowded urban cities on the East coast of the USA. (Eastrogen also known to sometimes bring on Metrosexualism in men). |
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December 2003
Posts: 13986
Location: Upper Left USA | Interesting how we can use the West/East Coast dictionary.
Tree-hugger:
West - Someone willing to give up the chance of a real job to stand for something.
East - A Brutha wid tree babes in his arms.
Erogenous Zone:
East - Something Women only have when it comes up in the discussion with other women...
West - An area that you don't own but needs to be made available by public funds for the public never to use it. |
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OT Clever Americans
