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Posts: 5881
Location: Colorado Rocky Mountains | Went through it myself 20 years ago. Both kids moved back to California with their mom on the day the orders became final. Everything I owned could fit in the back of my pickup, and half of that went straight to the dump. Overcoming adversity is what makes us stronger. I remarried within two years, have a wonderful relationship with my kids, and am blessed in many other ways unthinkable back then. Hang in there and follow 4340's advice. Take care of yourself and you'll pull through. |
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February 2002
Posts: 1817
Location: Minden, Nebraska | Steve, I know it's bad. Many of us have been through it, as described. That doesn't make it any easier but it does point out that things do get better and they will. Remember the words of Gabriel to Mary: "Nothing will be impossible with God." The greatest good is always at work in the deepest darkness.
There is still the normal pain and grief. A Navy SEAL acquaintance likes to say, "Pain is proof you're still alive." |
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November 2005
Posts: 4809
Location: Campbell River, British Columbia | Jim Croce worked really well for me back when break-ups were an option. I am fortunate enough to have just missed marrying the woman I would have divorced. (Which only means she had to go on and punish herself and some other PB)
Wisdom comes from experience. Experience comes from a lot of bad choices. Enjoy the path to wisdom as much as you can. Laugh about it once a day, there is humour in there somewhere. |
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March 2005
Posts: 12750
Location: Boise, Idaho | Maybe that's why I'm so dumb. I've made a lot of good choices. Dumb luck is very valuable. Actually, I tend to deliberate so long about any significant choice, that the "opportunity" often passes by. Most of those quick decisions would have been bad ones. |
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Joined:
February 2005
Posts: 11840
Location: closely held secret | As Phil said, good judgment comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgment.
Hang in there, Steve. Most of us have been there and back. You'll come through this as well. |
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March 2002
Posts: 15652
Location: SoCal | As my grandfather used to say in times like this, "you'll live, you just won't enjoy it for a while."
And listen to more Merle.... |
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December 2004
Posts: 2150
Location: Orlando, FL | Good luck Steve. |
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November 2005
Posts: 4809
Location: Campbell River, British Columbia | What Wabbit said; that's what I meant.....
....as usual. |
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November 2004
Posts: 4413
| Steve - I'm so sorry to hear this. I almost posted a "Where's Chapman" question a couple of weeks ago.
This last couple of years have been a real trial to you and I've thought about you often. You have had way more than your fair share of heartaches.
There is much in what jeff w. says - maybe you really need to break out of the cycle and for once just try and please yourself. You can't always let everybody else come first. I know these things are easier said than done, especially at Christmas, but we're all rooting for you.
And most of us wish we had half your singing talent (me especially).
Hang on in there bro and I hope you have a lot better Christmas than you're expecting. |
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September 2003
Posts: 9301
Location: south east Michigan | I feel for you Steve.
Even with a 28 year marriage under my belt I always think, "But for the grace of God, go I."
Our marriage has been tested once or twice over the years but when push came to shove, turns out we are both cowards. We're just to afraid to put ourselves through it.
Just the thought of it scares the hell out of me.
I hope for the best for you. |
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Joined:
April 2006
Posts: 1017
Location: Budd Lake, NJ | No matter how you lose your spouse, there is no easy way. I think of it like having a cut on your foot--in my case, picture the incision you get when a surgeon slices you open; there's stitches, and a straight-line wound. The other scenario is your case, when you've stepped on a broken bottle--there's also stitches, and a wound, but the result is so vastly different. My wounding was clean, and there wasn't much infection; yours certainly isn't--but either way, both result in a limp. And in both cases, the healing process can seem endless. But...you will learn to walk, and even to run again, Steve, even though parts of you may feel hobbled for a long time.
I will be praying for you in the journey that lies ahead.
--Karen |
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September 2004
Posts: 1180
Location: Vermont USA | When at the end of your rope tie a knot and hang on
Pauly |
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January 2005
Posts: 4903
Location: Phoenix AZ | Steve - I'm so sorry to hear of your troubles especially at this time of the year. Keep your chin up and know that you have friends who are pulling for you. Dave |
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March 2005
Posts: 5563
Location: Blue Ridge Mountains | Steve;
As a minister, most think we must be perfect or at least appear to be so; in 1999, my spouse of 17 years left for another life with another man...I cannot describe to someone who has not gone through a loss of this magnitude how that felt. What I can say is that now, standing and looking back, I can see a guiding hand leading and directing every step. With that help, I found another mate (my true soulmate) and have two beautiful gifts as children. I would not wish this on anyone but it will get better I promise if you take it day by day and look up! I wish for you and will pray for your peace!
May Blessings be upon you! |
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Joined:
April 2003
Posts: 2503
Location: Fayetteville, NC | Thanks everyone for the Kind Words. In Court Today The Jusdge allowed me visitation with my Kids Sundays from 2-6. I have to pick the up from The Cumberland County Detention center and take them back there to be picked up. My wife was not happy and in tears. It Killed me. In spite of every thing I still Love her and would love my family unit restored. Proffesional counseling is a must. This is a result of An incident where an argument Came to blows She puched me i responded in the wrong way and Long story short. I was arrested, and a restraining order issued. The criminal case was disposed of quickly, I have to attend 27 Care resolve group classes and pay the $175 for em' I also am on 12 months supervised Probation. At the end of the year the criminal case is dismissed. The civil Matter Today was simply to try and tell my side and also get to see my kids.
You know I admit it! I was Wrong! It was really Both of our faults, But I'm The Man and i never should have responded in such a way. In fact, It's really not in my nature. Nothing like this has ever happened in my 45 years on this earth.
I know there is redemption and forgiveness.
It's just really hard right now.
Not having them around at Christmas and realizing that My Christmas eve and Christmas day will be spent alone doesn't make it easier.
I have to try and get good used tires on my car and my own liabilty insurance. I have know idea wher the cash flow is coming from.
All This and no Guitar-Not sure i'd feel like playing right now but i will eventually.
Thanks for allowing me to sound off. I am talking with counselors and Ministers too and just trying to get through this.
Still, all I want for Christmas is my Family back.
Guess Santa's A little busy to answer that one for now.
I love you guys!! I really do! The ones I've met have always been gracious and the ones i haven't, i always feel like you're family from posts.
It's always great to have a place to belong.
I'll keep you all posted. |
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November 2006
Posts: 3969
| Steve - I pass no judgment. Excuse the black humor, but Chris Rock once said you've never really been in love until you've wanted to kill your partner. How true that is.
It's good you're getting counseling. Keep talking, that's the easiest way to get through these times. You can't keep your emotions and frustrations bottled up, it's not healthy. If your wife believes that you're truly sorry this happened, and nothing like this has ever happened before, you can probably be back together. It will take time, but if both of you seek counseling together and you're both committed to making your marriage work, you'll come out stronger in the end. Best wishes. |
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March 2005
Posts: 12750
Location: Boise, Idaho | This rant isn't really related to you, Steve, but sometimes stories like these make me sad that I am part of the legal system. For all the good that it does to resolve differences with a civilized system, there are probably as many ruined families because people don't work things out themselves anymore, they go get a lawyer or judge to do it.
I have a friend whose teenager called the cops to complain about his dad beating him. True, they had a tussle after the kid hit his mom. No punches thrown. More like a wrestling match. The kid calmed down and wanted to drop the charges, but the cops and prosecutor wouldn't let him. Mom refused to take sides. That led to a divorce. The kid chose to live with dad. That made for a custody battle. I don't have a solution, just an observation and a wish that things will work out for the best. Steve, if you were closer, I'd invite you over for Christmas dinner and loan you a guitar so you could concentrate on playing some sad songs for awhile instead of living them. |
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May 2002
Posts: 1445
Location: Nova Scotia, Canada | I filed for divorce on my seventh anniversary. There is never a good time to go through something like this.
Hang tough, Steve. |
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April 2006
Posts: 1017
Location: Budd Lake, NJ | "Not sure I'd feel like playing right now..."
Perhaps if you had a guitar, you would--after Jack died, my "stringed sister" really helped me get the pain out. Any of our brothers over in that neck of the woods have a therapeutic loaner that's not being used right now? (I'd gladly drive over with one of mine, Steve, but I'm probably a good ten hours away, and it's a little cold to ship them...)
--Karen |
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November 2005
Posts: 4809
Location: Campbell River, British Columbia | [Hug] When words don't work [/Hug]
Keep talking, we're listening. |
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April 2004
Posts: 234
Location: Phoenix, AZ | Originally posted by Mauvais Beal:
Listen to more Merle Haggard. When you're done with Merle, put on some Sam Kinnison! |
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Joined:
April 2003
Posts: 2503
Location: Fayetteville, NC | Would'nt you know it?!! No CD Player, No CD Collection(It's all in the house) so I guess No Merle or Kinnison for now. |
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Joined:
March 2005
Posts: 5563
Location: Blue Ridge Mountains | Steve, if you need an ear, shoot me a pm...I'll listen and hopefuly help!
Hang in there: it gets better...and whatever you do, obey the restraining order!
Seriously, I'm here if I can help you! |
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Joined:
April 2003
Posts: 2503
Location: Fayetteville, NC | This emotional roller coater is no Fun! I went through the loss of a wife back in 1998 after 10 years of mmarriage and two years of dating. Total 12 years no Children.
This time is The children are involved and i really would like the chance to go to counseling together and work through this. Since nothing like this has ever happened before. we had problems sure. but let me put it this way. If she gives me a chance, I won't need another.
I love my Wife and my Children. I just want the chance to make it right.
woke up this morning and it's hard to stop crying.
Real man huh? |
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Joined:
March 2002
Posts: 15652
Location: SoCal | If real men aren't supposed to cry then I don't qualify.
Steve, you gotta take this one day at a time and know that you'll get thru this. Go talk with somebody today. You'll feel better.
And listen to Merle...... |
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Sorry no Christmas Spirit!
