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Joined: December 2003 Posts: 13986
Location: Upper Left USA | Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army.
On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb.
That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.
On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush.
That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.
On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap.
The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.
A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house.
She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, 'Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!'
The husband said, 'Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?'
'Doesn't matter,' she said. 'Just get out.' |
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Joined: April 2004 Posts: 13303
Location: Latitude 39.56819, Longitude -105.080066 | Funny stuff Woody...thanks for the early brightening of my day! |
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Joined: July 2005 Posts: 3410
Location: GA USA | One day Porter Wagoner heard a voice telling him "Go to Vegas", but an eagle swooped down and flew off with his golf ball. |
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Joined: December 2006 Posts: 6268
Location: Florida Central Gulf Coast | Originally posted by Captain_Lovehandles:
One day Porter Wagoner heard a voice telling him "Go to Vegas", but an eagle swooped down and flew off with his golf ball. "How much is that new?"
Ahhh, the memories! |
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Joined: June 2006 Posts: 7307
Location: South of most, North of few | Originally posted by 2ifbyC:
Originally posted by Captain_Lovehandles:
One day Porter Wagoner heard a voice telling him "Go to Vegas", but an eagle swooped down and flew off with his golf ball. "How much is that new?"
Ahhh, the memories! yup! |
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Joined: March 2007 Posts: 841
Location: CA | "I'm not saying my wife talks a lot, but the last time we went on vacation, her tongue got sunburned."
— Alan King |
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Joined: February 2005 Posts: 11840
Location: closely held secret | Two men are out just fishing quietly and drinking beer.
Almost silently, so as not to scare the fish, Bob says, 'I think I'm gonna divorce my wife. She hasn't spoken to me in over 2 months.'
Charles continues slowly sipping his beer then thoughtfully says, 'You better think it over, Bob. Women like that are hard to find.'
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Joined: March 2006 Posts: 1634
Location: Chehalis, Washington | Originally posted by MWoody:
Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army.
On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb.
That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.
On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush.
That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.
On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap.
The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.
A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house.
She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, 'Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!'
The husband said, 'Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?'
'Doesn't matter,' she said. 'Just get out.' Nice Mike, as always...that just made my night! :D |
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