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Joined:
December 2003
Posts: 13984
Location: Upper Left USA | 1. Most Blues begin, "Woke up this morning."
2. "I got a good woman," is a bad way to begin the Blues, unless you stick something nasty in the next line:
"I got a good woman with the meanest dog in town."
3. The Blues are simple. After you have the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes ... sort of:
"Got a good woman with the meanest dog in town.
He got teeth like Margaret Thatcher and he weigh 500 pounds."
4. The Blues are not about limitless choice.
5. Blues cars are Chevys and Cadillac’s. Other acceptable Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Walkin' plays a major part in the Blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.
6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues. Adults sing the Blues. Blues adulthood means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.
7. You can have the Blues in New York City, but not in Hamilton Ont. or Vancouver B.C. Hard times in Saskatchewan or Nova Scotia is just depression. Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City are still the best places to have the Blues.
8. The following colors do not belong in the Blues:
a. violet
b. beige
c. mauve
9. You can't have the Blues in an office or a shopping mall; the lighting is wrong.
10. Good places for the Blues:
a. the highway
b. the jailhouse
c. an empty bed
Bad places:
a. Ashrams
b. gallery openings
c. weekend in Muskoka
11. No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, unless you happen to be an old black man.
12. Do you have the right to sing the Blues?
Yes, if:
a. your first name is a southern state -- like Georgia
b. you're blind
c. you shot a man in Memphis
d. you can't be satisfied
No, if:
a. you were once blind but now can see
b. you're deaf
c. you have a trust fund
13. Neither Celine Dion nor Anne Murray can sing the Blues.
14. If you ask for water and Baby gives you gasoline, it's the Blues.
Other Blues beverages are:
a. wine
b. Irish whiskey
c. muddy water
The following are NOT Blues beverages:
a. any mixed drink
b. any wine kosher for Passover
c. Snapple (all flavors)
15. If it occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die. So is the electric chair, substance abuse, or being denied treatment in an emergency room. It is not a Blues death if you die during a liposuction treatment.
16. Some Blues names for women:
a. Sadie
b. Big Mama
c. Bessie
17. Some Blues names for men:
a. Joe
b. Willie
c. Little Willie
d. Big Willie
e. Lightning
18. Persons with names like Sierra, Sequoia, and Rainbow will not be permitted to sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.
19. Other Blues names (starter kit):
a. name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Asthmatic)
b. first name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi, etc.)
c. last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)
20. Text on a Blues artist gravestone: didn't woke up this mornin' |
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Joined:
February 2005
Posts: 11840
Location: closely held secret | I woke up this mornin'
And I went right back to sleep
Said I woke up this mornin'
And then I went right back to sleep, yah, yah
Gonna meet my baby in the mall at noon
Gotta hair appointment I got to keep |
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Joined:
November 2002
Posts: 3603
Location: Pacific Northwest Inland Empire | nope.
"gonna go shoot my baby,
Too early to be on my feet." |
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Joined:
December 2001
Posts: 10581
Location: NJ | change your name to alpep |
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Joined:
February 2005
Posts: 11840
Location: closely held secret | Both good suggestions. |
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Joined:
November 2005
Posts: 4817
Location: Campbell River, British Columbia | Originally posted by alpep:
change your name to alpep that actually works better if you just wanna
'Get NO respect'
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Joined:
December 2003
Posts: 13984
Location: Upper Left USA | Hot black coffee from the day before
Too many emails and the Boss outside my door
My 401's flatlined, and my HMO's no use
I put my life in this loosing end when I should have invested mo in you!
Ya, I got the Blues...
Oh, I got the Blue-oo-oo's
Trapped working in this cubicle when I should be home lov'in you - Blues! |
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Joined:
November 2005
Posts: 4817
Location: Campbell River, British Columbia | I think that one's been done.
White Collar Holler |
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Joined:
February 2009
Posts: 119
Location: New York | Thanks MWoody, That was a real great post. Loved it. |
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OT: Twenty Tips to Tote the Blues
