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Posts: 7211
Location: The Great Pacific Northwest | A friend sent me this, I just thought it was funny and a good topic.
If you are new to Blues music, or like it but never really understood the whys and wherefores, here are some very fundamental rules:
1. Most Blues begin with: "Woke up this morning..."
2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues, unless you stick something nasty in the next line like, "I got a good woman, with the meanest face in town."
3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes - sort of:
"Got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Yes, I got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher and she weigh 500 pound."
4. The Blues is not about choice. You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in a ditch...ain't no way out.
5. Blues cars: Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs and broken-down trucks. Blues don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles. Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft and state-sponsored motor pools ain't even in the running. Walkin' plays a major part in the Blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.
6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues. They ain't fixin' to die yet. Adults sing the Blues. In Blues, "adulthood" means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.
7. Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or anywhere in Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle is probably just clinical depression. Chicago, St. Louis and Kansas City are still the best places to have the Blues. You
cannot have the Blues in any place that don't get no rain.
8. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the Blues. A woman with male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg 'cause you were skiing is not the Blues. Breaking your leg 'cause a alligator
be chomping on it is.
9. You can't have no Blues in an office or a shopping mall. The lighting is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.
10. Good places for the Blues:
a. highway
b. jailhouse
c. empty bed
d. bottom of a whiskey glass
11. Bad places for the Blues:
a. Nordstrom's
b. gallery openings
c. Ivy League institutions
d. golf courses
12. No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less you happen to be an old person, and you slept in it.
13. Do you have the right to sing the Blues? Yes, if:
a. you're older than dirt
b. you're blind
c. you shot a man in Memphis
d. you can't be satisfied
No, if:
a. you have all your teeth
b. you were once blind but now can see
c. the man in Memphis lived
d. you have a 401K or trust fund
14. Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck. Tiger Woods cannot sing the Blues. Sonny Liston could have. Ugly white people also got a leg up on the Blues.
15. If you ask for water and your darlin' gives you gasoline, it's the Blues. Other acceptable Blues beverages are:
a. cheap wine
b. whiskey or bourbon
c. muddy water
d. black coffee
The following are NOT Blues beverages:
a. Perrier
b. Chardonnay
c. Snapple
d. Slim Fast
16. If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die. So are the electric chair, substance abuse and dying lonely on a broken-down cot. You can't have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match or while getting liposuction.
17. Some Blues names for women:
a. Sadie
b. Big Mama
c. Bessie
d. Fat River Dumpling
18. Some Blues names for men:
a. Joe
b. Willie
c. Little Willie
d. Big Willie
19. Persons with names like Michelle, Amber, Jennifer, Debbie, and Heather can't sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.
20. Blues Name Starter Kit:
a. name of physical infirmity (Blind, Mute, Lame, etc.)
b. first name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime,
Kiwi, etc.)
c. last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore,
Clinton, etc.)
For example: Blind Lime Jefferson, Pegleg Lemon Johnson or Lame Kiwi Clinton, etc. (Well, maybe not "Kiwi.")
21. I don't care how tragic your life is: if you own a computer, you cannot sing the blues, period. Sorry! |
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Posts: 4619
Location: SoCal | Thanks, that's great. |
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January 2002
Posts: 14127
Location: 6 String Ranch | I've seen that list and it's great. They might add that you can't play the blues on the a brand new yuppie guitar of the month and definately not on one of those Mother Of turdBowls.
As for blues on the golf course, after you lip out your putt for the fourth time you will definately get the feeling that you musta done somebody wrong and the golf Gods be gettin even wit you. In moments like that you have the blues. |
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Location: blkyn usa | lol! |
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Posts: 5750
Location: Scotland | And of course if you inadvertantly play a Blues song backwards you get out of prison, your wife comes back, your dog comes back to life, your phonograph starts working again & the other mule kicking in your stall leaves. |
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Posts: 1380
Location: Central Oregon | Originally posted by Paul Templeman:
And of course if you inadvertantly play a Blues song backwards you get out of prison, your wife comes back, your dog comes back to life, your phonograph starts working again & the other mule kicking in your stall leaves.
I think you have the blues mixed up with country/western Paul :)
-I got everything I ever wanted...
'cept the blues-
/\/\/ |
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September 2003
Posts: 782
Location: Waurika OK | Thanks, man! I gotta pass that on. I was doin real good until number 21. If I throw my computer away, I can't get on the Ovation Fan Club. Hey, maybe there's a blues song in that!
"I woke up this mornin, and threw my computer away,
Then figured out I couldn't log on the fan club, no way,
Now I'm walking down the railroad track, with a tear in my eye,
Without the fan club, I'm fixin to die.
(play turnaround here) |
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Posts: 623
Location: Lake Hiawatha, New Jersey | Xnoel,
Rule #3 above...repeat the first line.
Johnny |
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Posts: 782
Location: Waurika OK | Johnny, you are right, I didn't follow the rules. I didn't have much time, but came back and wrote this song, tried to use all the rules.
It probably doesn't fit 12 bar blues, but maybe some "arranger" can fix it. When it becomes famous, we will split the royalties.
The "O" Fan Club Blues
Woke up this mo'nin' and threw my computer away
Woke up this mo'nin' and threw my computer away
Realized I couldn't log on the fan club, no way
Now I'm walking down the railroad track, with a tear in my eye
Without the fan club, life is over, I'm fixin to die
Goin to Kansas City, cause they know the blues
Yeah, goin to Kansas City, cause they know the blues
Be welcome there, cause I paid all my dues
I'm slow, but I'll get there sooner or later
Cause my left leg got chomped off by an alligator
Chorus
Got a hoochie mama woman, meanest woman in town
She's always yellin, go to work, put that guitar down
The kids are hongry and their clothes are all torn
You shore be the sorriest man ever born
Headed down this ol highway with a broken heart
Oh, headed down this highway with a broken heart
Hav'n to walk cause my ol chevy truck wouldn't start
Can't even ride The Greyhound bus, that's for sure
Stuck in this misery, cause I'm so broke and poor
I'm older than dirt and blind as a bat
Yeah, older than dirt and blind as a bat
Don't know where i'm goin or where I'm at
Everywhere I go they give me the boot
Slept the last 14 nights in this same old suit.
Chorus
Been drinkin muddy water from beside the road
Been drinkin muddy water from beside the road
So miserable I think I'll shuck this ol abode
But dyin aint too good a shape to be in
Cause I might have to answer for all my sin
O mercy mercy what ever can I do
O mercy mercy what ever can I do
Young folks I got a message for you
Don't end your life gettin stabbed in the back
Or in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack
Chorus
Listen to this message from gator leg Magee
Yeah, listen to this message from gator leg Magee
Don't come to your end as a sorry sot like me
Listen to your mama and respect your pa
Or you might wind up as a guitar playing outlaw. |
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March 2002
Posts: 15654
Location: SoCal | Damn! You guys have got to go out and get jobs and a life (there's another verse for this blues tune), 'cause I'm spending all my time having so much fun reading what you're writing and it's keeping me from my work! |
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Location: NJ | zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
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if i had a dollar for everytime that exact post was forwarded to me via e mail I would be rich. |
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Posts: 14842
Location: NJ | Sheee-itttt!!!
Dere's jez tooo menny o' dem GOTdam WHITE boyz tryin' t'sing dem Blues!!!
"When yo' married to d'Blues, boy
Y'gittar is yo' WIFE!
Jez like dat final woman
who yo' faithful to fo' Life!" |
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February 2003
Posts: 299
Location: Netherlands | Al, if I had a dollar for everytime it was posted to me I would have exactly one dollar. But then again, are Europeans fit to sing the blues?...
:)
Martin |
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Location: Las Cruces, NM | Martin
Of course Europeans can sing the blues, you just have to trade your wooden shoes for walkin' shoes and tune that O down two notes so it growls like an alligator in heat (an anomoly as they are cold blooded) then start the song with:
Aint had no lovin since I stuck my finger in that dike
Aint had no lovin since I stuck my finger in that dike
My woman she done left me for with a Frenchy dog named Mike
You can finish it with references to Yugo's and deux chevaux, windmills, etc.
Bailey (I don't think I will be mistaken as an expert on Europe very soon)
:D |
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Posts: 10581
Location: NJ | I guess this is especially annonying to me since I have done a ton of blues gigs.
There are too many "bad" blues artists out there.
I think it is because that the music is conisdered simple and anyone alledgedly can play it.
That is the furthest from the truth, to play anything right you need to have a good knowledge of the music.
Just because the structure of the music is simple does not mean that everyone has the feel and the ear to do it right.
Are the lyrics sometimes stupid? sure just like lyrics are supposed to be. |
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September 2003
Posts: 782
Location: Waurika OK | Just a comment to Al. I couldn't figure out your comments. Then I re-read all the comments. I guess you thought we were making fun of the blues! Not so! I love the blues and as you said, good blues.
My "song" was just in the spirit of the thread, lets have a little fun.
No offense intended to any blues players or writers. |
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Posts: 14842
Location: NJ | xnoel;
I don't think Al took it that way.
(I don't wanna speak for him, but) I read it that he was referring to that IN GENERAL when you go to bars & clubs, there are just too many bad blues-wannabees. |
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Posts: 10581
Location: NJ | Cliff is correct.
I was speaking in general. You can make all the funny lyrics you want it does not bother me.
what does bother me is poor musicianship or people putting down a genre of music that takes talent to perform correctly.
Join me for open stage night at warm daddy's in philly and you will know what I am talking about |
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December 2001
Posts: 7211
Location: The Great Pacific Northwest | I don't know if I'd call'em "bad" blues players, or just people that should be playing something else.
I have been working with a bluesman for a couple of years and we just finished his CD. He is one of the few bluesmen I know. He has taught me that "the blues" don't have to be sad, as in the Cajun and New Orleans, Atlanta blues. He also taught me that it's not just the music. Just like early country, the "act" and attitude is all part of the blues. You can play a new Hamer solidbody or an old Martin box, with the right attitude and presentation. I guess most importantly is the songs set a mood. The words are sometimes silly cause they just don't matter, they are just part of the sound and atmosphere.
I think the most important thing I picked up on is that Blues are still being written today. Although it doesn't get a lot of airplay outside of the deep south if at all, not all blues was written 50 years ago.
Finally, for those blues players that "cover" blues songs for years gone by. That's great. But if you only play it, the way it was recorded that one time originally, you really missed the point in my opinion. Chances are the artist only played it that exact way once. To clarify, TABLATURE for the Blues, is just plain silly. |
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Posts: 299
Location: Netherlands | Bailey, explain to me how you know about this frenchy dog named Mike that ran away with my girl. Was it yours???... :D
I agree many people don't seem to get the point of the musicstyle they are playing.
This is frustrating, just as it is when you like rockmusic, like I do and people consider you to be stupid or dumb or think it's easy music to play.
It didn't stop me from laughing though when I saw Spinal Tap.
Martin |
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Posts: 623
Location: Lake Hiawatha, New Jersey | When it comes to certain music (especially blues and particular blues artists) I think it's a mortal sin to play a song out if you can't do it justice, and/or if youjust don't "get it". It was probably one of the extra 5 commandments on Moses' 3rd tablet that dropped (thus leaving us only 10).
Of course, there are always exceptions. If you are "jamming" on stage, fine...it's all in the spirit of jamming. But there are very few people who can seem to pull off Stevie Ray Vaughn well in a live situation. I wouldn't even consider playing a solo of his live, simply because I know I'm not that level a lead guitar player. And even if I was, it would still probably come of as a cheap synthetic copy, simply becuase it's just not Stevie. There is an unspoken thing called "feel" that certain songs require, even if all the notes are there.
IMHO some things should just be revered and never attempted (live) for fear of butchering them.
That's not to say that interpretation of a song isn't way cool...putting your own twist on it. |
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Location: Las Cruces, NM | Peace Bros
I just finished taping 14 hours of the Ken Burns blues series because it had bluesmen on there that we seldom get to hear and generally all the styles of blues that are around. One of the elements of blues that I was fortunate or unfortunate to see was that they came from the segregated south and the semi segregated northern cities. In the 50's, many of society's ethnic groups were segregated in major cities. Jewish, Italian, Polish, Ukranian etc. , had their neighborhoods and bars where their dances were danced and their music was played. Black neighborhoods featured blues and R&B and jazz, definately no country. A white person could go into any of these enclaves and bars, and if you were polite and appreciative you were generally accepted and welcome, and could hear some great music. White musicians did jazz, but until the 60's almost no white player at all did blues music, it belonged to the blacks who invented it, and many white people went to hear it and enjoy it, but if you watch the history, the best of the blues musicians weren't welcome in a white hotel or restaurant or bar and that was part of the blues that they sang and played. A white person could go anywhere, a black person could go nowhere. It wasn't right, but that's the way it was.
Bailey |
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Location: The Great Pacific Northwest | And unfortunatly in some places south of the manson/nixon line things haven't changed. |
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August 2002
Posts: 8307
Location: Tennessee | Mark Knopler did a great song about the plight of black artists on his "Sailing to Philadelphia" album ... I think it is called "Baloney Again" (at least that's the hook line).
I also heard Knopler has a pretty serious crash on his motorcycle recently ... hope he's OK. |
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Location: Las Cruces, NM | Miles
I will disagree with you there, race relations are probably much better in the south where the association is centuries old and black people are part of the society, than the north who see the blacks as interlopers. |
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Blues 101
