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HEMORRIODS ARE KILLING ME

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   Forums Archive -> The Vault: 2006Message format
 
cruster
Posted 2006-12-02 6:25 PM (#229348 - in reply to #229298)
Subject: Re: HEMORRIODS ARE KILLING ME


Joined:
May 2004
Posts: 2850

Location: Midland, MI
Originally posted by tdeej:
...a tube of very thick, black moly-lith multipurpose grease...
Tim, that reminds me of something my grandfather did once. He and my grandmother had this old, black poodle named Rudy. He was pretty advanced in years, the dog, with his fur having taken on a slightly greyish, charcoal hue.

Rudy had developed a cyst or tumor or something on his right side, almost all the way back to his leg. Well, all the hair around it turned completely grey, then fell out completely. It was really strange to see this one bald patch on their dog.

Well, one weekend, my folks took us up there and the dog looked different. My sister and I couldn't really figure out why, though. My dad took one look at him and said, "How did you get his fur to grow back? And why is it so black?"

My grandfather, it turned out, was working out in his shop and the dog happened to come in to see what he was doing. Apparently, he (my grandfather) got the bright idea to spray some WD-40 on the dogs bald patch. Nobody really knows why, and I don't think he ever volunteered a justifcation for how he arrived at that decision.

Anyway, one good soaking with WD-40 and a couple weeks later, he had this luxurious, silky jet-black fur where previously he had scaly, whitish-pink skin. I wasn't the only one who thought the growth had shrunk, either.

The amazing thing was that it didn't seem to have affected the dog negatively at all. To the contrary, he seemed pretty spunky compared to his old self. The only thing that could have been considered strange was that Rudy, when he needed to urinate, would hoist both back legs in the air, balancing on his forepaws. When he was done, he'd take a couple of steps forward before dropping his rear paws to the ground. Somewhere, I'm sure, my parents still have pictures of that.

Have you noticed any change in habits or behavior since you've started using the molylube?

:D

(The story of Rudy is true, every word of it)
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Northcountry
Posted 2006-12-02 6:26 PM (#229349 - in reply to #229298)
Subject: Re: HEMORRIODS ARE KILLING ME
Joined:
February 2004
Posts: 2487

Old People!
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cliff
Posted 2006-12-02 7:21 PM (#229350 - in reply to #229298)
Subject: Re: HEMORRIODS ARE KILLING ME


Joined:
March 2002
Posts: 14842

Location: NJ
I'll take "Threads I Wished I'd Never Read" for $400, Alex . . .
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Weaser P
Posted 2006-12-02 8:10 PM (#229351 - in reply to #229298)
Subject: Re: HEMORRIODS ARE KILLING ME


Joined:
October 2005
Posts: 5330

Location: Cicero, NY
...and I definitely do not want to poll the audience, Reg.
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Capo Guy
Posted 2006-12-02 10:16 PM (#229352 - in reply to #229298)
Subject: Re: HEMORRIODS ARE KILLING ME



Joined:
December 2004
Posts: 4394

Location: East Tennessee
This topic has replaced the "Nose Hair" thread as most popular.

We truly have sunk to a new low. :D

GWB,

I do hope you're feeling better soon.
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CrimsonLake
Posted 2006-12-02 10:29 PM (#229353 - in reply to #229298)
Subject: Re: HEMORRIODS ARE KILLING ME


Joined:
August 2006
Posts: 3145

Location: Marlton, NJ
If someone starts a Chlamydia thread I'm outta here :(
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cruster
Posted 2006-12-02 10:44 PM (#229354 - in reply to #229298)
Subject: Re: HEMORRIODS ARE KILLING ME


Joined:
May 2004
Posts: 2850

Location: Midland, MI
Originally posted by Gospel Guitar Guy:
This topic has replaced the "Nose Hair" thread as most popular.

We truly have sunk to a new low. :D

GWB,

I do hope you're feeling better soon.
Most popular? Hardly...heck, it doesn't even have llama pictures! Nowhere near as popular as the llama threads. :p
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Trader Jim
Posted 2006-12-03 7:06 AM (#229355 - in reply to #229298)
Subject: Re: HEMORRIODS ARE KILLING ME


Joined:
June 2006
Posts: 7307

Location: South of most, North of few
"Anyway, one good soaking with WD-40 and a couple weeks later, he had this luxurious, silky jet-black fur where previously he had scaly, whitish-pink skin."

OK, I'm soaking the top of my head in WD40 today.
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Jeff W.
Posted 2006-12-03 7:56 AM (#229356 - in reply to #229298)
Subject: Re: HEMORRIODS ARE KILLING ME


Joined:
November 2003
Posts: 11039

Location: Earth·SolarSystem·LocalInterstellarCloud·Local Bub
ya think WD40 might clear up a case of chlamydia?
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guitarwannabee
Posted 2006-12-03 1:26 PM (#229357 - in reply to #229298)
Subject: Re: HEMORRIODS ARE KILLING ME


Joined:
January 2006
Posts: 1478

Location: Michigan
Im starting to think that is is more than just a HEMI.,On my way to the Emergency room.Wish me luck.GWB
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Mark in Boise
Posted 2006-12-03 1:42 PM (#229358 - in reply to #229298)
Subject: Re: HEMORRIODS ARE KILLING ME


Joined:
March 2005
Posts: 12758

Location: Boise, Idaho
Jim, have you tried the WD40 and, if so, has it worked yet? I'm about to go out in the garage and figured I'd give my head a shot. Do they make WD40 with a lemon scent or something? And will I have trouble keeping my hat on?
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stonebobbo
Posted 2006-12-03 1:56 PM (#229359 - in reply to #229298)
Subject: Re: HEMORRIODS ARE KILLING ME



Joined:
August 2002
Posts: 8307

Location: Tennessee
Good luck GWB. I hope it's no worse than just a bad 'roid ... all joking aside.
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cholloway
Posted 2006-12-03 1:58 PM (#229360 - in reply to #229298)
Subject: Re: HEMORRIODS ARE KILLING ME


Joined:
March 2005
Posts: 2791

Location: Atlanta, GA.
jpcannon,
Have you given any consideration how you might look with "luxurious, silky jet-black fur" on top of your head???
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Trader Jim
Posted 2006-12-03 2:23 PM (#229361 - in reply to #229298)
Subject: Re: HEMORRIODS ARE KILLING ME


Joined:
June 2006
Posts: 7307

Location: South of most, North of few
Beleive me, it would be better than the barren spot thats there now. :eek:
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Trader Jim
Posted 2006-12-03 2:31 PM (#229362 - in reply to #229298)
Subject: Re: HEMORRIODS ARE KILLING ME


Joined:
June 2006
Posts: 7307

Location: South of most, North of few
Originally posted by Mark in Boise:
Jim, have you tried the WD40 and, if so, has it worked yet?
Yes, and it leaves a nice shine. Looks kind of like a buffed peach.


Originally posted by Mark in Boise: And will I have trouble keeping my hat on?
Not if you use my patented super glue retainer system.
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cruster
Posted 2006-12-03 2:45 PM (#229363 - in reply to #229298)
Subject: Re: HEMORRIODS ARE KILLING ME


Joined:
May 2004
Posts: 2850

Location: Midland, MI
Originally posted by guitarwannabee:
Im starting to think that is is more than just a HEMI.,On my way to the Emergency room.Wish me luck.GWB
Good luck GWB. I hope everything comes out OK.
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Trader Jim
Posted 2006-12-03 3:23 PM (#229364 - in reply to #229298)
Subject: Re: HEMORRIODS ARE KILLING ME


Joined:
June 2006
Posts: 7307

Location: South of most, North of few
GWB, on a serious note, hope your problem is resolved soon. We have fun with this, trying to releive the hurt, but I beleive I speak for all of us when I say we wish the best for you. Keep us posted.
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Jason_S
Posted 2006-12-03 3:55 PM (#229365 - in reply to #229298)
Subject: Re: HEMORRIODS ARE KILLING ME


Joined:
August 2006
Posts: 2804

Location: ranson,wva
gwb...its a real pain in the ass..no pun intended....hope you soon recover..jason
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tdeej
Posted 2006-12-03 4:11 PM (#229366 - in reply to #229298)
Subject: Re: HEMORRIODS ARE KILLING ME


Joined:
November 2004
Posts: 286

Location: North Idaho
Originally posted by Gospel Guitar Guy:
This topic has replaced the "Nose Hair" thread as most popular.

We truly have sunk to a new low. :D

GWB,

I do hope you're feeling better soon.
shrinking assets is generally a lowering problem...
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guitarwannabee
Posted 2006-12-03 5:35 PM (#229367 - in reply to #229298)
Subject: Re: HEMORRIODS ARE KILLING ME


Joined:
January 2006
Posts: 1478

Location: Michigan
Thanks for all of the humor & wellwishing about my issue.
I just got back from the hospital and found out that I do not have an angry Hemmoroid but I have PERI-ANAL-ABCESS on the inside of my ANUS.The doctor felt it was just a little to premature to lance it so it could drain so he is giving me heavy duty antibiodics along with Vicodin and some other painkiller.Im telling you I have never experianced pain down there this severe and I hope I never have to again.I am going to stay knocked out on Painkillers and sleeping pills for the next two or three days until this thing goes away.
Thanks again for having a little fun with me on the subject , I guess it is some type of therepy talking about it.
P.S. I have some Suppositories and a sightly used tube of some Proctosol-HC 2.5% Anal creame if anyone wants it N/C. The creame could really speed up the action on an old dryed out guitar neck .thanks for letting me be sick . GWB
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cliff
Posted 2006-12-03 6:01 PM (#229368 - in reply to #229298)
Subject: Re: HEMORRIODS ARE KILLING ME


Joined:
March 2002
Posts: 14842

Location: NJ
"PERI-ANAL-ABCESS"

Great band name.
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stonebobbo
Posted 2006-12-03 6:11 PM (#229369 - in reply to #229298)
Subject: Re: HEMORRIODS ARE KILLING ME



Joined:
August 2002
Posts: 8307

Location: Tennessee
Originally posted by cliff:
"PERI-ANAL-ABCESS"

Great band name.
Lance and the ...

Go Punk Pop.
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Trader Jim
Posted 2006-12-03 6:12 PM (#229370 - in reply to #229298)
Subject: Re: HEMORRIODS ARE KILLING ME


Joined:
June 2006
Posts: 7307

Location: South of most, North of few
GWB, had one of those. I was going to suggest that, butt... (sorry), I'm not a doctor. I know what they're like. They just keep getting more and more and more.... well, you know what I mean. I don't know if they ever go away, butt, (sorry again) you learn to do when they flare up, so to speak, and they aren't so bad. Just something that comes with age I think..
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cruster
Posted 2006-12-03 7:33 PM (#229371 - in reply to #229298)
Subject: Re: HEMORRIODS ARE KILLING ME


Joined:
May 2004
Posts: 2850

Location: Midland, MI
I used to work with this guy who told a joke and the punch line was "Everyone knows that abscess makes the fart go Honda." Not that you'd want to be the butt of anyone's joke.

Glad to hear that you got it looked at and they gave you something for it. Hopefully, you'll be back to normal in no time.
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Slipkid
Posted 2006-12-03 8:10 PM (#229372 - in reply to #229298)
Subject: Re: HEMORRIODS ARE KILLING ME



Joined:
September 2003
Posts: 9301

Location: south east Michigan
cheeky.
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