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| The one where the small furry animal found himself in trouble...
Actually Mister Wabbit might have a point here - while all this was going on I've been having a serious and seriously interesting and educational exchange of pms with biker fred about nylon guitar strings. And he's saved me a fortune in string costs by pointing me in the right direction when my instincts (guesses) were telling me to go the opposite way. I've found the strings for my CA at the 3rd attempt, which considering there are about 300 different types of classical string is amazing. We should try using the board for this stuff one day....... :p |
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Location: Earth·SolarSystem·LocalInterstellarCloud·Local Bub | Good to know you didn't read any of my offensive stuff. |
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Posts: 4413
| I'll pm you the joke I didn't dare post. It's clean, but seriously offensive. |
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Posts: 11039
Location: Earth·SolarSystem·LocalInterstellarCloud·Local Bub | offensive????? |
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Posts: 121
Location: Powder Springs, Ga. | This joke is rated G.
**
A guy walks into a restaraunt, sits down and calls the waitress over and asks "Do you have Frog Legs"?
She replies "yes sir, the finest".
"Then can you hop in the kitchen and get me some coffee"?
:p |
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Posts: 349
Location: Snellville, GA | Sorry if anyone took offense...I guess you can call me a repeat offender. ;) |
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Posts: 11840
Location: closely held secret | Not really offended, just probably not the forum for it. Try here.
...besides, I've heard most of the ones here... |
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Posts: 2791
Location: Atlanta, GA. | Bubba and Junior were standing at the base of a flagpole.
A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.
"We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole," said Bubba, "but we don't have a ladder."
The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down. Then she took a tape measure from her packet, took a measurement, announce, "Eighteen feet, six inches,"
and walked away.
Junior shook his head and laughed, "Ain't that just like a dumb blonde. We ask for the height, and she gives us the length." |
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Posts: 13987
Location: Upper Left USA | Coroner's Report:
Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The Coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened.
Coroner tells the Inspector:
"First body: A Frenchman, 72, died of heart failure while with his mistress. Hence the enormous smile."
"Second body: "Irishman, 25, won a thousand dollars on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."
The Inspector asked, "What of the third body?"
"Ah," says the coroner, "This is the most unusual one. Danny Bob Earl, from Texas, 30, struck by lightning."
"Why is he smiling then?" inquires the Inspector.
"Thought he was having his picture taken." |
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Posts: 153
Location: Huntington Beach, CA | A horse walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender comes over, cleaning a glass and says "Why the long face?".
A grasshopper goes into a bar and jumps up on a bar stool. Noticing him, the bartender says, "hey, we have a drink named after you." The grasshopper replies "You have a drink called Steve?" |
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Posts: 4413
| Did you hear about the cat that ate a ball of wool? She had mittens. |
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Posts: 11039
Location: Earth·SolarSystem·LocalInterstellarCloud·Local Bub | Well,
we are certainly way off the offensive material. |
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Posts: 4413
| cliff will be round with the tea and cucumber sandwiches shortly. |
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Posts: 11039
Location: Earth·SolarSystem·LocalInterstellarCloud·Local Bub | I'd like a "lil" somethin' in my tea Cliff. |
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Posts: 14842
Location: NJ | I gotcher cucumber sandwich . . . . . |
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Posts: 11039
Location: Earth·SolarSystem·LocalInterstellarCloud·Local Bub | Schroed...I'd be wondrin' just where the cucumber sandwich has been. |
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Posts: 4413
| If you were at one of Her Majesty's summer garden parties you wouldn't ask the waiter "where've they been?" when offered a plate of sandwiches. Just eat it. And I hope that cliff remembered the doilies. I've heard that some people from Joisey can be quite common. |
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Location: Earth·SolarSystem·LocalInterstellarCloud·Local Bub | quite. |
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Posts: 327
Location: Evansville,IN | What's a cow with no legs called?
Ground beef. :D |
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Posts: 13987
Location: Upper Left USA | Have you heard the one about the two maggots working in dead Ernest? |
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Posts: 14127
Location: 6 String Ranch | So this guy walks into a bar, orders a beer and starts crying to the bar tender, "I can't have a conversation with anyone since they don't match my IQ"
The bar man says "Try the blond over there, she's got an IQ of 125"
To high, the guy says and orders another beer.
"How about the business guy at the other end of the bar, he's 95?"
The guy says no again, that they were too smart for him.
"How about the cook, she's 63"
No again and give me another beer.
The barman is about to give up when he spots the local bum sitting in the corner booth. He says "Go talk to Louie over there, his IQ is about 30"
Tha guy smiles and says OK, orders two more beers and goes over to the booth and sits down with Louie. They click beer mugs and the guy says to Louie, "So, you got any old Les Pauls?" |
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Posts: 327
Location: Evansville,IN | A guy walks in a bar a bit short on money. Calls the bartender over and asks him,"Hey Buddy, if I farted the star spangled banner would you give me a can of beer?" The bartender replies, "If you can do that I will give you a case of beer."
The guy gets up on the bar, drops his pants, and proceeds to poop all over the bar. The bartender gets very irate at him, and says," What are trying to do ruin my bar?" They guy replies, "I'm just like any other good singer, I have to clear my throat first." :D |
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Location: Malden, Massachusetts | There are several jokes here - check out the band uniforms
http://www.heysuburbia.com/cgi-bin/m4/headline/03_04_02_22_50 |
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Location: NJ | NICE!!
I particularly like:
(so many PhotoShop opportunities - so little time . . . ) |
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Posts: 11039
Location: Earth·SolarSystem·LocalInterstellarCloud·Local Bub | There's just so much wrong with that.
They look like fugitive elves on steriods and female hormone replacement meds...
"Fugitive Elves on Steriods"
....yet another band name folks. |
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OT: Joke of the day
