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May 2004
Posts: 2850
Location: Midland, MI | Now that we all got our blues names on:
How to sing the Blues . . . A Primer
1) Most blues begin, "Woke up this morning..."
2) "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the blues, 'less you stick something nasty in the next line like, "I got a good woman, with the meanest face in town."
3) The blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes . . . sort of: "Got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Yes, I got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher, and she weigh 500 pound."
4) The blues is not about choice. You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in a ditch--ain't no way out.
5) Blues cars: Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs and broken-down trucks. blues don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles. Most blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft an' state-sponsored motor pools ain't even in the running. Walkin' plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.
6) Teenagers can't sing the blues. Adults sing the blues. In blues "adulthood" means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.
7) Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or any place in Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle is probably just clinical depression. Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City are still the best places to have the blues. You cannot have the blues in any place that don't get rain.
8) A man with male pattern baldness ain't the blues. A woman with male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg cause you skiing is not the blues. Breaking your leg 'cause a alligator be chomping on it is.
9) You can't have no blues in a office or a shopping mall. The lighting is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.
10) Good places for the blues: a) Highway; b) Jailhouse; c) Empty bed; d) Bottom of a whiskey glass. Bad places for the blues: a) Dillard's; b) Gallery openings; c) Ivy League institutions; d) Golf courses
11) No one will believe it's the blues if you wear a suit, 'less you happen to be a old ethnic person, and you slept in it.
12) Do you have the right to sing the blues? Yes, if a) You older than dirt; b) You blind; c) You shot a man in Memphis; d) You can't be satisfied. No, if a) You have all your teeth; b) You were once blind but now can see; c) The man in Memphis lived; d) You have a 401K or trust fund.
13) Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck. Tiger Woods cannot sing the blues. Sonny Liston could. Ugly white people also got a leg up on the blues.
14) If you ask for water and your darlin' give you gasoline, it's the blues. Other acceptable blues beverages are a) Cheap wine; b) Whiskey or bourbon; c) Muddy water; d) Nasty black coffee. The following are NOT blues beverages: a) Perrier; b) Chardonnay; c) Snapple; d) Slim Fast.
15) If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another blues way to die. So is the electric chair, substance abuse and dying lonely on a broken down cot. You can't have a blues death if you die during a tennis match or getting liposuction.
16) Some blues names for women: a) Sadie; b) Big Mama; c) Bessie; d) Fat River Dumpling
17) Some blues names for men a) Joe; b) Willie; c) Little Willie; d) Big Willie
18) Persons with names like Michelle, Amber, Debbie, and Heather can't sing the blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.
19) Make your own blues name Starter Kit: a) Name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.); b) First name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi, etc.); c) Last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.); d) For example, Blind Lime Jefferson, Jakeleg Lemon Johnson or Cripple Kiwi Fillmore, etc. (Well, maybe not "Kiwi.")
20) I don't care how tragic your life or how many men you killed in Memphis, if you own a computer, you cannot sing the blues |
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March 2002
Posts: 14842
Location: NJ | hmmmm . . . I seem to remember being at this Crossroads before . . |
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May 2004
Posts: 2850
Location: Midland, MI | Did we already have this? I don't remember it. Apologies if so... |
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December 2004
Posts: 4394
Location: East Tennessee | After reading this... Who is going to clean the Bad Coffee I snorted on my keybord????/ :eek: |
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December 2001
Posts: 10583
Location: NJ | just live my life for a day that will give anyone the blues |
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January 2002
Posts: 14127
Location: 6 String Ranch | So I guess this won't work?
My Gulfstream won't fly and my Chriscraft won't float,
The stock portfolio crashin, looks like it's all she wrote,
Both my girl friends got other guys,
The wife's too busy spending to listen to the lies
I got the Mercedes Blues,
Gold Mastercard in hand,
I got the Mercedes blues.
My new gold rolex, just stopped tickin,
Looks like no more steak, down shift to chicken,
I was climbing that ladder, grabbin at it all,
Now I'm at this champaigne bar, got noone to call
I got those Mercedes Blues,
Gold master card in hand,
I got the Mercedes Blues. |
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Joined:
May 2002
Posts: 1445
Location: Nova Scotia, Canada | "...After reading this... Who is going to clean the Bad Coffee I snorted on my keybord????..."
Ain't nobody cleanin your keyboard. You clean your own keyboard and maybe you clean other folks keyboards but nobody else be cleanin yours...or it wouldn't be the blues!
Wayne |
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September 2003
Posts: 782
Location: Waurika OK | I don't know, a guy cleaned my plow one time, I was pretty blue about that.
(you may have to have been raised on a farm in Oklahoma to know what that means) |
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January 2003
Posts: 1498
Location: San Bernardino, California | Blues name: Bruised Banana Clinton.
Is that a double-entendre? |
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May 2004
Posts: 2850
Location: Midland, MI | The worlds shortest blues song:
I didn't wake up this mornin'...
;) |
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February 2005
Posts: 55
Location: England | well as numer 20 says you can't sing the blues if u have a pc, none of us in this entire forum can sing the blues!
matty |
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January 2002
Posts: 14127
Location: 6 String Ranch | How about
(B7)Woke up dead this (E)mornin
nice short song. |
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May 2004
Posts: 2850
Location: Midland, MI | I like it. Do you want songwriting credit?
;) |
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April 2003
Posts: 2503
Location: Fayetteville, NC | So this would be a Blues Song?
I did Not get Up this mornin'
I did Not get Out Of bed
I looked down from the Ceiling
and i saw that I was dead
with these Dead willie Blues
These Ole Dead Willie Blues
Well how long have i had em?
The ole Dead willie Blues.
My wife Called from the Kitchen
get up it's time for work
Then she came in here and found me
lyin' cold and dead as dirt
with these ole Dead willie Blues
These ole Dead Willie Blues
Well how long have I had em'?
The Ole Dead Willie Blues.
Well the Doctor came the see me
then he told my wife
But wife wife said Doc he's not dead
he's like this every night
he's had these Dead Willie Blues..for so long
These ole Dead Willie Blues.
Well how long have I had em'?
These Ole Dead Willie Blues.
The undertaker Came To get Me
And my wife cried through her tears
I wish you wouldn't hall him off
he ain't been this stiff in years
I got them dead Willie Blues
Them Ole dead Willie Blues
Well how long have I had em'
Thes old Dead Willie Blues. |
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Joined:
April 2003
Posts: 2503
Location: Fayetteville, NC | Theabove lyrics were written by: Mike Cross
It's a great little fun blues song that works great when done live. He recorded it with just a 6 string and vocals. if anyone would like to check it out.I'll be glad to send them an Mp3. |
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Joined:
November 2003
Posts: 11039
Location: Earth·SolarSystem·LocalInterstellarCloud·Local Bub | I left this in one other blues post..
If you really want a blues primer. Blues that will leave you left like your wife and dog done left... left wondering what you formerly thought the blues was...
R.L. Burnside, "Ass pocket of Whiskey" |
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January 2002
Posts: 14127
Location: 6 String Ranch | They play his stuff on Cirius and I donb't like it much, seems too close to hiphop or that rapshit. |
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November 2003
Posts: 11039
Location: Earth·SolarSystem·LocalInterstellarCloud·Local Bub | CWK,
Your hearin' something in "Walking Blues" that I ain't |
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May 2002
Posts: 3005
Location: Las Cruces, NM | I just pounding on dis keyboard that I found in the dump where I is stayin wit my Junkyard Dog named Sally
I plugs it in to a long long cord that plugs in to a outlet in the backroom in the barroom in the alley
I wears dis suit that I rescued from some rich man's trash where I also got my shoes
Now what honky living in the luxury of creosis pounding his own keyboard with scotch whisky halitosis
Tells me dat I can't be allowed to play de blues
Muddy Lemon Bailey |
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November 2004
Posts: 4413
| I'm impressed that anyone can tell the difference between hiphop and rapshit. |
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March 2002
Posts: 15682
Location: SoCal | There's a difference??? |
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January 2002
Posts: 14127
Location: 6 String Ranch | Hiphop is when it's played from a car 1/2 mile away. Rapshit is when it's next to you.
On Mr. Burnside, I've only heard one or two cuts and it's just the same spoo over and over. I really don't think it was a version of Walkin Blues. |
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November 2004
Posts: 4413
| We should have that engraved on a brass plate and adopt it as the club motto. |
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March 2002
Posts: 14842
Location: NJ | Ditto on the Burnside.
Somebody burned me a copy to put into "rotation" on my CD changer here at work . . . didn't make the first round.
During my two-hour drive home through the wind-driven snow last night, I heard a couple tracks off the new John Hammond CD on the radio . . . what I heard sounded pretty good. |
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Joined:
February 2005
Posts: 2
Location: NC | So then Mike Cross is privy to the "Blues singin' Primer"? At least he obeyed most of the rules. |
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How to sing the blues
