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Location: Fort Worth, TX | This is one of two forums I am explaining the source of problems some people have had with me. It is NOT a 12 step thing because I don't believe in the 12 step concept. I've mentioned a few times the fact that I have had 18 major surgeries. Being self employed over 40 years, the long recoveries from the surgeries have bankrupted me twice in the last 23 years. I have always been left in excruciating pain that has required monthly trips to pain management doctors for several years following a few of the surgeries. The last surgery left me hospitalized six months with horrible complications where I was fighting for my life. In the five years since that time I have again been in ongoing pain management.
During this time I have seen friends and family grow distant from me. I noticed a trend of my comments always being taken differently from how I meant them in my mind. I began researching the long term effects of opioid usage and was shocked to learn it changes your very personality and erodes social skills over the long term. I realized there was no way I could be the only one who was always right and everyone else was wrong. I discussed it with my wife and was shattered to learn she has gradually lost a lot of interest in doing things with me even though she realizes I hurt all the time. She told me I have no filters anymore when I say things and make inappropriate comments quite often. This is also an effect of constant narcotic usage I read about. All I can say in my defense is that the treatment was necessitated by the fact that I routinely live around 6-7 on a pain scale of 1-10.
Several days ago I made a decision to put myself through a maddening cold turkey abrupt discontinuation of the pain meds. I went through five days of sheer hell to rid my body of the meds that have been poisoning my mind and personality. I'm reminded of the scene in the Johnny Cash biopic movie Walk The Line when June flushed all of Johnny's pills and forced him into withdrawals. When he woke up several days later her first words were "welcome back". My mind is clear again for the first time in five years. I'm now cleaning up my messes with people I know in my immediate circle of friends and family. I'm determined to learn to tolerate the pain level and am using playing guitar as my diversionary therapy.
Do/think what you will with this information. I have been very chagrined to go back and read a lot of my interaction on this forum. Millions of people every year are ensnared by these insidious medications and I am no different. I'm fortunate that with the tolerance I've developed and the high dosages I've been on I am escaping them having never overdosed. I won't go back on them no matter my pain levels and I refuse to have any more surgeries. The risk is just too high. I for the most part stopped participating in this forum despite my love of all things Ovation. My reputation is too damaged. I just wanted you to know why.
Edited by DaveKell 2015-02-01 4:32 AM
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Location: Steeler Nation, Hudson Valley Contingent | I wish you the best Dave. Good luck. |
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Location: Pacific Northwest Inland Empire | Good luck with your recovery. Focus on the dialectic. |
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Location: Colorado | We wish you well...hang around...we can be a forgiving bunch |
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Location: Utah | Best of luck in your pain management. |
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Location: NJ | ". . I have no filters anymore when I say things and make inappropriate comments quite often . . . "
I'm going through a very similar situation.
Only in MyCase, I simply attribute it all t'just being an Asshole.
GoodLuck in yerJourney. |
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Location: Upper Left USA | We have today. Use it well!
I love fresh starts, as often as their needed. |
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Location: Denmark | I have sometimes wondered why people were seemingly mocking you without really finding the answer. Maybe this is part of it. Speaking of course only on my own behalf I say dont feel condemned or forced away. Good luck whatever your choice may be. |
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Location: Flahdaw | I wanna a fresh start too!
From now on I want to be known as Renee' (the real man's version of the name). Capricorn, hazel eyes, and I now love cats, sunsets, and Duane Allman. |
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Location: Sydney, Australia | No problems Dave, hope you find good ways of managing the pain.
Renee, you too are welcome here. |
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Location: Fort Worth, TX | darkbarguitar - 2015-02-01 3:23 PM
I wanna a fresh start too!
I now love cats, sunsets, and Duane Allman.
I'm curious as to what you cold do with the knowledge I hung out backstage with Porter Wagoner, Bocephus, Ricky Skagg and Emmylou Harris. A perk of when I used to do all the sign work for Billy Bob's Texas nightclub. "Renee"... it sure fits the shirts you promulgate in your wardrobe. |
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Location: Fort Worth, TX | richard.parker - 2015-02-01 4:45 PM
No problems Dave, hope you find good ways of managing the pain.
The pain is going to require me developing a great deal of mental toughness, much like tolerating my two main detractors on this site (who I have forgiven). Living towards the top end of the pain scale is brutal at best if anyone has ever been there they can verify this. I have to spend up to a few hours a day laying on my side in bed for the only minute relief I am able to get. I got my first cell phone back in 1977 because of the ever present danger of a bowel obstruction. They hurt like hell and can turn gangrene and you're a goner inside of three hours. I needed a way to be able to call an ambulance for myself. I was hospitalized a few weeks ago with an obstruction I was being pumped full of dilaudid for pain. My surgeon refused to operate, opting instead to let it resolve on its own. A few days of radical vomiting and pain the strongest narcotic wouldn't touch was my existence before it actually resolved. I have too many adhesions (scar tissue) in my gut to safely be operated on again. I'm apprehensive about the fact that we will soon be moving way out into rural horse country away from any close by hospitals. I've been in so much pain I considered ending it with a 9mm, but I have too much to live for with three new grandkids within a year of each other. |
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Location: Michigan | bob maybe you should get in touch with bruce jenner , i understand it is getting a new start also and making an autobiography about it. GWB |
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Location: SoCal | elginacres - 2015-02-01 7:52 AM
We wish you well...hang around...we can be a forgiving bunch
No we can't! Can we? Something to work on......
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Location: Flahdaw | There's always medical marijuana |
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Location: Phoenix AZ | DaveKell - 2015-02-02 5:35 AM
I got my first cell phone back in 1977 because of the ever present danger of a bowel obstruction.
You should put Paul Templeman's number on speed dial.
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Location: Canada | DaveKell - 2015-02-02 5:35 AM I got my first cell phone back in 1977 because of the ever present danger of a bowel obstruction. It must have been pretty pioneering to have a cell phone and no network to use it on (first 1G in US was launched 1983).
Edited by d'ovation 2015-02-02 3:10 PM
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Location: Texas | Can you hear me now? |
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Location: Flahdaw | amosmoses - 2015-02-02 4:25 PM
Can you hear me now?
I was afraid we would no longer enjoy DaveKell's posts anymore now that he was off drugs. WRONG!!!! |
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Location: Phoenix AZ | merlin666 - 2015-02-02 2:10 PM
DaveKell - 2015-02-02 5:35 AM I got my first cell phone back in 1977 because of the ever present danger of a bowel obstruction. It must have been pretty pioneering to have a cell phone and no network to use it on (first 1G in US was launched 1983).
Dave could have been on the leading edge ... in 1978 the first public testing began with 2000 users in the Chicago area. But I'll admit probably not the best choice to risk your life on a technology in such infancy.
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Location: 6 String Ranch | Moddy, I think we can, all it takes is a little willie power and resourcefulness.i suspect that you and Standing Hampton, and Mr Temperature can guide the group. Just don't get too close to the edge of the cliff, you might fall. |
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Location: Flahdaw | cwk2 - 2015-02-02 8:30 PM
Moddy, I think we can, all it takes is a little willie .
Ahhh...well Moody's certainly got THAT covered.
Edited by BobG 2015-02-02 7:45 PM
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Location: Colorado | nice one unca beal |
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Location: Fort Worth, TX | oops... make the date of the cell phone 1997. In 1977 I was still young enough to consider myself bulletproof. |
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Location: Pacific Northwest Inland Empire | Well, didn't we all.......... |
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An Explanation...Totally OT
