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Joined:
August 2005
Posts: 3736
Location: Sunshine State, Australia | Unofficial banjo joke thread.
Q. What's the difference between a banjo and a trampoline?
A. You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.
Q. What's the definition of 'perfect pitch'?
A. Throwing a banjo in the toilet without hitting the rim.
Q. What's the best way to tune a banjo?
A. With a chainsaw.
Definition of a gentleman.
Someone who CAN play banjo, but chooses not to.
Q. How can you make a million bucks as a banjo player?
A. Start with 2 million.
A banjo player walks into a bar. Another banjo player walks into the bar.…you'd think the second banjo player would have seen what happened to the first banjo player and ducked!
Q. What is the range of a banjo?
A. About 10 meters if you throw it hard enough.
Q. What's the difference between a banjo and a South American Macaw?
A. One is loud, obnoxious and noisy, the other's a bird.
Q. What do you call a good musician at a banjo contest?
A. A visitor.
Q. What's the best way to play a banjo?
A. Alone.
Q. How is playing the banjo like throwing a javelin blindfolded?
A. You don't have to be very good to get people's attention.
Q. What do you call 25 banjos buried up to their nuts (Banjos, not banjo players) in concrete?
A. Not enough concrete.
Banjo players spend half their time tuning and the rest of the time playing out of tune.
Q. What's the difference between a banjo player and a terrorist?
A. A terrorist has sympathisers.
Q. (For Mark) What's the difference between a banjo player and a lawyer?
A. You don't want to run over a lawyer.
Take it away gang.... |
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Joined:
March 2008
Posts: 2683
Location: Hot Springs, S.D. | I'm laughing so hard I can barely type. That perfect pitch one, I have never heard before. I'm going to change that to mandolin for my buddy.
The only thing I can think of now is that old Far Side cartoon, where the devil is ushering a gentleman into a room full of banjo players and says "This will be your room, Maestro." |
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Joined:
June 2006
Posts: 7307
Location: South of most, North of few | Wow Muzza, great job! I'll bet TRboy has a headache by now. :D
Whats the best sound a banjo makes?
When it hits the dumpster. |
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Joined:
December 2004
Posts: 4394
Location: East Tennessee | "There's nothing I like better than the sound of a banjo,
unless it's the sound of a chicken caught in a vacuum cleaner…" |
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Joined:
February 2003
Posts: 2178
Location: the BIG Metropolis of TR | We mock...what we don't understand........
;) |
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Joined:
September 2006
Posts: 10777
Location: Keepin' It Weird in Portland, OR | None of these folks mocking the banjo can Play one!
[now they're gonna kick me off the site, huh? :confused: ] |
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Joined:
March 2005
Posts: 5567
Location: Blue Ridge Mountains | Our own "Debanjo" Rhinehardt is one of the finest professional session banjo players in the world: and quite a fine guitar player as well...
As those in attendance at Amelia can attest to! |
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Joined:
April 2008
Posts: 2985
Location: Sydney, Australia | Careful Muzz, you don't live too far away from the banjo line.
(For the non Aussies, our new Prime Minister, in a mistaken moment of candidness said that when you get near Gympie you can hear the banjos playing) |
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Joined:
March 2008
Posts: 2683
Location: Hot Springs, S.D. | Hey, wait a minute. I LOVE my banjo, but I also love a good laugh. But come to think of it, OMA did say "None of these folks mocking the banjo can PLAY one." (But I'm trying.) |
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Joined:
August 2005
Posts: 3736
Location: Sunshine State, Australia | I like banjos.
I like banjo jokes better.
I can't stand ukeleles, bagpipes and accordions. |
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Joined:
August 2005
Posts: 3736
Location: Sunshine State, Australia | Let's get back on topic...
Q. what's the difference between a good banjo player and a bad banjo player?
A. There are good banjo players??? :eek: |
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Joined:
February 2003
Posts: 2178
Location: the BIG Metropolis of TR | 
Resistance Is Futile.....You WILL Be Assimilated..... |
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Joined:
August 2005
Posts: 3736
Location: Sunshine State, Australia | Originally posted by MusicMishka:
Our own "Debanjo" Rhinehardt is one of the finest professional session banjo players in the world... And I'll bet he knows lots of really good banjo jokes.  |
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Joined:
August 2005
Posts: 3736
Location: Sunshine State, Australia | A guy is driving back to Brisbane from a banjo gathering in Gympie. He stops in Eumundi for a pub lunch to break up his journey.
As he's sitting in the bar, sipping his cider, he remembers that he's left his very expensive ($75) banjo on the back seat of his car, if full view.
He runs out of the pub and into the carpark to check his beloved banjo and even before he gets there, he sees that his rear passenger window has been smashed.
Alarmed, he sprints to the car, wrenches the door open and finds 5 more banjos in there.  |
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Joined:
January 2006
Posts: 1132
Location: NW Washington State | What's the difference between a banjo and an onion?
Nobody cries when you cut up a banjo. |
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Joined:
April 2004
Posts: 13303
Location: Latitude 39.56819, Longitude -105.080066 | I sent those jokes to my banjo playing buddies but the server rejected them all. |
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Joined:
May 2003
Posts: 4389
Location: Capital District, NY, USA Minor Outlying Islands | How many banjo players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, for obvious reasons. |
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Joined:
November 2005
Posts: 4833
Location: Campbell River, British Columbia | Banjo players screw up tunes, not light bulbs. |
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August 2003
Posts: 2246
Location: Yucaipa, California | 
...sigh... |
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January 2002
Posts: 14127
Location: 6 String Ranch | Why do banjo players leave their picks on the dash?
So they can park in the handicapped spots |
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Joined:
October 2007
Posts: 2711
Location: Vernon CT | Originally posted by Old Man Arthur:
[QB] None of these folks mocking the banjo can Play one!
Question, Would they want to? ;) |
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Joined:
March 2005
Posts: 2793
Location: Atlanta, GA. | What did the banjo player get on his IQ test?
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Drool. |
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Joined:
August 2003
Posts: 2246
Location: Yucaipa, California | ...how can you tell if the stage is level? Tha banjo player drools evenly from both sides of his mouth.
Did you know that the Toothbrush was invented by a banjo player? Had to be, otherwise it would have been called a teethbrush. |
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Joined:
October 2005
Posts: 803
Location: Avondale, AZ | I like banjos. There I said it and I feel better. How would the song "sweet City Woman" sound without a banjo?
What I don't like is your mama.
Your mama is so old when she orders a 3 minute egg, she has to pay in advance.
She is so stupid she walked you to school every day because she was in the same grade.
She is so fat that when she bent over the teacher told the other students to step outside and see the eclips.
She is so old that when she is bare footed people complement her on her alligator shoes.
She is so old her social security number is 3.
she is so fat that whenever she wears high heals she strikes oil. |
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Joined:
February 2002
Posts: 5750
Location: Scotland | Q. What has 24 legs and 7 teeth?
A. The front row at a banjo workshop.
Q. What's the difference between a banjo and a chainsaw?
A. A chainsaw has a wider dynamic range. |
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Banjo lovers rejoice!
