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February 2002
Posts: 613
Location: Zion, Illinois | Hehe
Reminds me of the time when Jack Benny visited the White House.
As Jack approached the White House doors with his violin case in hand, the secret service agent appeared nerveous.
"I'm sorry Mr. Benny but I have to ask" said the SS agent. "What do you have in that case"
Jack Benny, never one to pass up a joke, replied, "Well if you must know, it's a machine gun"
The SS agent breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank God! For a second I was afraid you brought your violin. You may pass"
Jack Benny ended up rolling on the White House lawn, laughing his head off...
Bradley |
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Joined:
May 2002
Posts: 3005
Location: Las Cruces, NM | cwktwo
That one was a good one and a new one, I had to laugh out loud when I read it.
Bailey |
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May 2002
Posts: 3005
Location: Las Cruces, NM | OGL1
Some of the best stuff happens when you digress, we all benefit from knowing what others do as their life interest. That's what makes you what you are, and that's probably why you are here to rub elbows (figuratively) with others of the same interest.
If you work on instruments, that's important to us that play them. I'm a little hyper now because we are practicing for a gig next month, and the practice is going well, which always makes me nervous. Anyway, you fix them and we will play them, but we depend on you to play them first and see that they are OK.
Bailey |
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Joined:
February 2002
Posts: 5750
Location: Scotland | There's a band, consinsting of five-string banjo, tenor banjo, accordian, swannee whistle & musical saw, who get a last minute gig on New Years eve. The promoter is understandably nervous but, when they manage to get through the gig succsesfully, he offers them a return booking the following year. The Banjo player accepts and asks "is it OK if we leave the gear?" |
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January 2002
Posts: 14127
Location: 6 String Ranch | And then there's the accordian player who has to use his wife's small car for a gig. He does the gig and driving home he is so hungry he has to stop. It's night and he's nervous about leaving his instrument in the car since it won't fit in the trunk so he picks a spot near the front under a light. He goes in and eats and coming out sees glass all over the ground around the car. Cautiously approaching he soon sees that his worst fears are realized. He looks in the car and sees two more accordians. |
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May 2002
Posts: 3005
Location: Las Cruces, NM | Gentlemen
Assume God is a banjo player, but you think you are safe because he loves Ovation 12 strings and will forgive your transgressions.
I went golfing monday with three men of the cloth, whose religions I won't reveal.
At each hole, one profane minister would shout as he whiffed, "G-- Dammit, I missed again!" and the other ministers would remonstrate at the taking of the Lord's name in vain, particularly by a man of the cloth.
This went on for 9 holes (during which the blasphemous minister shaved his score, took mulligans, and generally made us all disgusted with his lack of any moral rightousness.)
Suddenly--out of the clear sky, came a bolt of lightning that incinirated the nicest, meekest of the other two men of the cloth.
Followed by a thunderous voice from above:
MYSELF DAMMIT, I MISSED AGAIN!!!
Repent you banjo blasphemereners, the California appeals court has found you irrelevent.
Bailey
(I've found salvation, and it has six strings) |
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January 2002
Posts: 14127
Location: 6 String Ranch | blastfhemus banjos, hav a nice ring to it don't it pa? I'll have to tell Debanjo about this site! Already got a new name for his next album. |
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Joined:
February 2002
Posts: 613
Location: Zion, Illinois | Talking about God and Golf....
Once apon a time there was a Catholic preist. One very fine Sunday morning he woke up seeing that it was just the finest mornings he could remember gave into temptation. He told everyone that he was terribly ill and was unable to perform today's mass.
And instead of doing God's work, he went out to play 18 holes of golf.
However his transgression did not go without notice. Saint Peter, looking down from heaven, saw what the priest was going and and called God.
"God" said Saint Peter, "look at that. That priest lied to his flock and is out playing golf rather that preaching Your good word. He should be punishished!"
God agreed.
The preist tee'ed up to the 6th hole, a par 5, 489 yard hole and swung
Just as he hit the ball, God waved his hand. The ball went into the air, bounce off a tree, hit a large rock, bounced off of the rock and landing on the back of a duck. The duck was startled and flew toward the hole, and just as the duck passed over the green the ball fell off its back and into rolled into hole! A 489 yard hole-in-one!!!!!!
Saint Peter was astonished! God, said Peter, I thought you were going to punish that priest.
I did, said God.
But God, said Peter, he just made the most fantastic golf shot of all times.
Yes, said God, BUT WHO CAN HE TELL?
Bradley |
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May 2002
Posts: 3005
Location: Las Cruces, NM | Bradley
You just pointed out what is disconcerting about a good practice session.
All these songs played right, like holes in one, and (curses) nobody there to hear them.
Bailey |
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Medium gauge strings
