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Joined:
December 2003
Posts: 13986
Location: Upper Left USA | Yes this is way off topic, but today is Friday, so its OK.
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
If money doesn't grow in trees then why do banks have branches?
Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
What disease did cured ham actually have?
How is it that we put a man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
How come we choose from just two people for President and more than fifty for Miss America?
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.
If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?
Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out!"
Or watch a white thing come out a chicken rear and think, "that ought to taste good."
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
When your photo is taken for your driver's license, why do they tell you to smile? If you are stopped by the police and asked for you license, are you going to be smiling?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
If the professor on Gilligan's island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
What do you call male ballerinas?
Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the window?
Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first place? |
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Joined:
March 2002
Posts: 14842
Location: NJ | . . . somebody fell asleep with the George Carlin CD on again . . . |
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Joined:
November 2003
Posts: 11039
Location: Earth·SolarSystem·LocalInterstellarCloud·Local Bub | i just called Andy Rooney. He's on his way over to deliver you a thorough beating.
...If you ever wonder why... |
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Joined:
May 2004
Posts: 338
Location: Toronto | Gotta love those lazy fridays! |
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Joined:
March 2005
Posts: 417
Location: Cicero, NY | Originally posted by Jeff W.:
i just called Andy Rooney. He's on his way over to deliver you a thorough beating.
...If you ever wonder why... Can I watch? |
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Joined:
May 2003
Posts: 4389
Location: Capital District, NY, USA Minor Outlying Islands | Only as long as you use your cell phone and leave a message. Hope he's not carrying a bible or a little fretty! |
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Joined:
March 2005
Posts: 417
Location: Cicero, NY | Ever wonder why they call it a cell phone? All you ever do is BUY more time to use it!
(Ok, tell Andy I'm next.) :D |
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Joined:
November 2003
Posts: 11039
Location: Earth·SolarSystem·LocalInterstellarCloud·Local Bub | Weez, you are SOOOO next.
....I will personally send him a (slightly used) Little Fretty to commit battery about your head and shoulders...and where ever else it might fit....
:rolleyes: |
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Joined:
December 2004
Posts: 2150
Location: Orlando, FL | Jeff, is that the Marcia Brady signature model little fretty? |
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Joined:
March 2005
Posts: 417
Location: Cicero, NY | (GULP!) :o |
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Joined:
December 2003
Posts: 13986
Location: Upper Left USA | You ever wonder why a group of guys that pride themselves on using two hands to play an instrument spend so much time on the Computer typing about it? |
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Joined:
March 2005
Posts: 417
Location: Cicero, NY | (Wow - even I've gotta leave that one alone...)
Um, yeah...good point, Woody. |
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Joined:
November 2003
Posts: 11039
Location: Earth·SolarSystem·LocalInterstellarCloud·Local Bub | CLICK.
P.S.
yep, D'zilla. The MBS.
P.P.S. Woodster, am I gonna have to get Gallagher and his mellon mallet to follow-up the Rooniator.
P.P.P.S. Weaser, highly inappropriate use of :o . Remember this is a family sight. ;) |
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Joined:
March 2005
Posts: 417
Location: Cicero, NY | Ok. Tell Andy he can find me in my room.
Alone.
With my instrument. ;) |
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Joined:
December 2004
Posts: 4394
Location: East Tennessee | Here's a few to keep Andy on to move.
Dieting is wishful shrinking
Can athiests get insurance for an act of God?
Bald people have bad head days
I have a good doctor. If you tell him you want a second opinion, he goes out and comes in again.
My doctor treated one woman for yellow jaundice for three years before he realized she was Chinese.
My doctor gave one patient six months to live. At the end of the six months, he hadn't paid his bill, so the doctor gave him another six months.
My doctor doesn't like ducks; he says they insult him.
I'll never understand why kamakaze pilots wore helmets.
Q: What has four legs and one arm? A: a happy pit bull
If time heals all wounds, why does the belly button remain the same?
THe best way to stop a rhinoceros from charging is to take away his credit card.
First cannibal: "I hate my mother-in-law." Second cannibal: :"So, try the potatoes"
668: the neighbor of the beast.
If a cop arrests a mime, does he have to tell him that he has the right to remain silent?
Do fish get thirsty?
Does the name "Pavlov" ring a bell?
One nice thing about egotists - they don't talk about other people.
It is hard to understand how a cemetery raises its burial charges and blames it on the cost of living.
Mental patient: "Doctor, I think I'm a bell." Psychiatrist: "Here, take these pills. If they don't work, give me a ring." |
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OT Questions
