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Revised one of my songs; could you give it another listen?

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Patch
Posted 2013-05-21 12:18 PM (#470718)
Subject: Revised one of my songs; could you give it another listen?



Joined:
May 2006
Posts: 4226

Location: Steeler Nation, Hudson Valley Contingent

Last November I posted a song I wrote for my Mom and that I played at her funeral. I made the recording soon after and had to step away from it for a bit as the emotions were pretty raw. Several of you had kind things to say about it. But after finally listening again, I felt it could sound better than the recording as it was.

I guess it was no surprise that the original sounded, well, a bit grief-stricken frankly. And the song is supposed to be more resolute and hopeful.

From a technical recording standpoint, I didn't do too much; reduced the bass, added a bit of reverb, and plugged in to the recorder for a clean sound. The biggest difference is two-fold: 1.) I didn't overdub. This piece is meant to be felt, even while sung. So what you hear is similar to how it would sound if I was sitting there playing it for you (in a large acoustic setting). 2.) I decided after much thought to change the key from G to A.

So let me know what you think. Better? Worse? Also, be aware that it is a religious piece. Please take that into account before clicking the link.

Thank you kindly everyone.

I Will Fly

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dobro
Posted 2013-05-22 1:17 AM (#470744 - in reply to #470718)
Subject: Re: Revised one of my songs; could you give it another listen?



Joined:
January 2006
Posts: 2120

Location: Chicago
The vocal on this is clear and steady, Patch. A pleasure to listen to. Great guitar sound, too. My only "two cents" is that it needs a chorus or "bridge" (middle 8) to bring variety to the A chord feel. Hey, could even be an instrumental solo, some nice chords that travel and take you back. Interesting, I just finished Robert Monroe's trilogy. Talk about "flying"!
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Captain Lovehandles
Posted 2013-05-22 9:24 AM (#470757 - in reply to #470718)
Subject: Re: Revised one of my songs; could you give it another listen?



Joined:
July 2005
Posts: 3410

Location: GA USA
If not a bridge, maybe just an extra 8 beats between verses 2 and 3. It sounds just like it's live in a large acoustic setting, so you nailed that. Very nice.
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Mary S
Posted 2013-05-25 3:02 PM (#470905 - in reply to #470718)
Subject: Re: Revised one of my songs; could you give it another listen?


Joined:
December 2003
Posts: 66

Location: Minnesota
Beautiful Patrick! It sounds wonderful the way it is but Dobro may have something with that little bit of insturmental to make it soar.
It was a pleasure to listen to. Thank you for sharing.
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dwg preacher
Posted 2013-05-26 6:46 PM (#470947 - in reply to #470718)
Subject: Re: Revised one of my songs; could you give it another listen?



Joined:
October 2012
Posts: 349

Location: Denver, CO
What a wonderful song! I always wish I could write positive and joyful devotional songs, but mine all come out sounding like the blues. I would love to see you perform this one someday.
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Designzilla
Posted 2013-05-28 1:20 PM (#471015 - in reply to #470718)
Subject: Re: Revised one of my songs; could you give it another listen?


Joined:
December 2004
Posts: 2150

Location: Orlando, FL
Beautifully done Patch! Very moving.
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PEZ
Posted 2013-06-06 10:05 PM (#472302 - in reply to #470718)
Subject: Re: Revised one of my songs; could you give it another listen?



Joined:
July 2003
Posts: 3111

Location: Nashville TN.
Agreeded moving it is.
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