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Joined:
December 2004
Posts: 1673
Location: SoCal | Subject: Noah and the Modern-Day Ark
In the year 2005, the Lord came unto Noah, now living in the United States, and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and overpopulated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans."
He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard but no Ark.
"Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed. I needed a building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision.
Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.
Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls -- but no go!
When I started gathering the animals, I got sued by an animal rights group. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.
Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on Your proposed flood.
I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.
Immigration and Naturalization is checking the green-card status of most of the people who want to work.
The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience.
To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.
So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 15 years for me to finish this Ark."
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky.
Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean You're not going to destroy the world?"
"No," said the Lord. "It appears the Government beat me to it." |
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Joined:
March 2005
Posts: 12755
Location: Boise, Idaho | We are nearing the end of our cabin remodel, so this is very timely. Trying to meet a building code for a place in the woods with a lot of snow, when the original cabin wasn't built to any sort of code, much less with a level, has been quite a challenge.
The creator of all my headaches, my wife of 28 years, isn't godly enough to rest on the 7th day. No, she immediately starts talking to the builder about "downsizing" (read "upcosting") our house. I think I'm on the work till I die plan. |
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Joined:
April 2003
Posts: 2503
Location: Fayetteville, NC | Good One Noah!! LOL!! :) |
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Joined:
April 2004
Posts: 13303
Location: Latitude 39.56819, Longitude -105.080066 | Quite possibly the longest post Noah will ever write.
I made the wrong assumption that ultimately, Noah would never complete the ark because he became obsessed with GAS and buying Ovations!
Good one buddy :D .....(we still need to talk!) |
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Joined:
December 2004
Posts: 1673
Location: SoCal | i'm sorry... i didn't write it... i only posted it |
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Joined:
April 2003
Posts: 2503
Location: Fayetteville, NC | Noah , no need to Apologize,..It was still Funny! |
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OT... Construction Problems
