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Joined:
August 2005
Posts: 3736
Location: Sunshine State, Australia | I got this in an email... from my mother.
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down
Finally, the guys' side of the story.
We always hear " the rules" from the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!
Please note.. These are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.[list]
[*]You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
[/list]
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon. Or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one: [list]
[*]Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
[/list]
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem.
See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria 's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really .
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as SEX, CARS, the shotgun formation,
Or BASKETBALL.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping. |
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Joined:
April 2004
Posts: 13303
Location: Latitude 39.56819, Longitude -105.080066 | :D |
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Joined:
June 2005
Posts: 1320
Location: Round Rock, TX | Ah yes, too right. Now let me go make up the couch... |
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Joined:
October 2006
Posts: 5575
Location: big island | hey muzza,
ironically, my mom sent me this too. i ain't about to share it with my swmbo though, at least in its present version. i don't care much for watching sports and i will ask directions occasionally. and this is personal, but at home i always sit. if i had sons, i would teach them to always sit when they are using the commode at home too. |
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Joined:
January 2007
Posts: 672
Location: New South Wales, Australia | G'day Muzza...........I like Rule No. 1
:D |
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Joined:
December 2004
Posts: 1116
Location: Keller, TX | A few more:
1. Don't cut your hair. Ever.
1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if he can find the perfect present!
1. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.
1. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like every other cat.
1. Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period.
1. Don't ever ask, "Do you think she's prettier than me?"
1. Your brother is an idiot, your ex-boyfriend is an idiot, and your dad's way past idiot.
1. No, he doesn't know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
1. Pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.
1. Most guys own two to three pairs of shoes - what makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
1. Your Mom doesn't have to be our best friend.
1. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
1. Check your oil.
1. Don't give us 75 rules when 40 will do.
1. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
1. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.
1. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?
1. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.
1. Consider golf a mini-vacation from you. We need it, just like you do.
1. Telling us that the models in the men's magazines are airbrushed makes you look jealous and petty, and it's certainly not going to deter us from reading the magazines.
1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. |
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OT the GUY's rules.
