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Posts: 4413
| On Friday morning I'm off for a long (pronounced loooooooooooooooooooooooong) weekend with my wife and children (fine) and my golf obsessed brother-in-law (the NY lawyer), my sister -in-law, my mother-in-law and my grandmother-in-law.
Don't anybody tell me that life is fair. |
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December 2004
Posts: 1673
Location: SoCal | so are you saying that you are not into golf? |
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December 2004
Posts: 1673
Location: SoCal | schroeder,
why do you never find lawyers sun-bathing at the beach? |
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November 2004
Posts: 4413
| I don't know. |
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September 2003
Posts: 9301
Location: south east Michigan | Playing guitar satisfies my recommended daily minimum requirement of frustration.
I sure don't need something as per-snickity as golf. Talk about the devil being in the details! |
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January 2002
Posts: 14127
Location: 6 String Ranch | Golf would be an excellent way to get away from all those in-laws....... no matter how you play. |
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August 2002
Posts: 8307
Location: Tennessee | Do you know the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
Outlaws are Wanted. |
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March 2004
Posts: 629
Location: Houston, Texas | And why do they bury lawyers 12 feet deep? |
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May 2004
Posts: 2850
Location: Midland, MI | Any farther and they hit the water table? |
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January 2002
Posts: 14127
Location: 6 String Ranch | What's a thousand lawyers on the bottom of the sea?
What's a thousand lawyers burried in sand up to their necks?
And the two lawyers standing on a street corner watching this young shapely blond walk by and one says to the other, "Man I'd really like to f#@k her" and the other says "Out of what?" |
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March 2002
Posts: 14842
Location: NJ | I was always under the impression that "GOLF" was an acronym for:
Get
Out and
Leave
Family |
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March 2004
Posts: 629
Location: Houston, Texas | "And why do they bury lawyers 12 feet deep?"
Because deep down they're good people.
:eek: :rolleyes: :D :D |
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November 2004
Posts: 4413
| I love this stuff.
I don't dislike lawyers particularly, and I don't dislike golf (tho I've never played it) - with me and the b-i-l it's strictly personal. And as to my m-i-l......
grandma-in-law is the best of the bunch.
Y'all have a nice weekend now, ya hear? |
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March 2002
Posts: 15664
Location: SoCal | "What's a thousand lawyers burried in sand up to their necks?"
Not enough sand. |
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December 2004
Posts: 1116
Location: Keller, TX | Oh, come on now. Why do we have to be so mean to the lawyers. 99% of them give the rest a bad name.
What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road? Skid marks in front of the dog.
Did you know that the Bar association has a rule against their members being gigilos? They don't want people getting charged twice for essentially the same service. |
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April 2005
Posts: 76
Location: Chapin SC | 68% of all statistics are made up |
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November 2003
Posts: 11039
Location: Earth·SolarSystem·LocalInterstellarCloud·Local Bub | In North Carolina, a lawyer purchased a very expensive box of cigars and had them insured for full replacement value. A number of months later he submitted a claim with his insurer stating that the cigars were lost in a series of small fires.
The insurance company caught on-- and refused to pay the claim. The lawyer took them to court and though the presiding Judge acknowledged the spurilous nature of the suit...on the technical merits of the case the finding was that it was a legitimate claim and the insurance company was ordered to pay.
After the claim was paid, the insurance company had the lawyer arrested on Arson charges. The lawyer was found guilty, heavily fined and served a short time in jail. |
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March 2005
Posts: 417
Location: Cicero, NY | Hmm, aren't ALL cigars lost in a series of small fires? ;) |
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January 2002
Posts: 14127
Location: 6 String Ranch | That's a great story, kinda like a Brad Paisley song, "one by one" |
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May 2002
Posts: 3005
Location: Las Cruces, NM | I know this is going to upset some of our more "sensitive" members, but I propose a law that requires any lawyer who gets a pedophile out of jail, and the pedophile kills an innocent child, that lawyer is hung from a lamppost in the center of town next to the pedophile. |
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March 2005
Posts: 2791
Location: Atlanta, GA. | segue...
How can you tell if a lawyer is well hung?
You can't get a finger between the rope and his neck! |
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January 2002
Posts: 14127
Location: 6 String Ranch | Bailey, What's he hung by? |
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November 2004
Posts: 4413
| I survived the weekend - look for a sharp increase in Guinness profits this year. The jokes kept me going - W2, your "Out of what?" joke is the funniest joke I've heard in a long time. Even the NY lawyer laughed. (Man those guys are easy to get drunk).
The (im)moral support was appreciated. |
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January 2005
Posts: 161
Location: Atlanta GA | What do you do if you were in a room with Osoma bin Laden, an angry bear and a lawyer and you have a gun with only two bullets?.........
Yoy shoot the lawyer twice. |
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November 2004
Posts: 4413
| This is my all-time favourite thread. |
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February 2002
Posts: 613
Location: Zion, Illinois | Originally posted by Watchme22:
What do you do if you were in a room with Osoma bin Laden, an angry bear and a lawyer and you have a gun with only two bullets?.........
Yoy shoot the lawyer twice. I thought you shoot bin Laden twice, then use the empty gun to club the lawyer to death! |
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May 2002
Posts: 3005
Location: Las Cruces, NM | cwkII
He should be hung by the parts that make him think he is attractive to the opposite sex. Very seldom would that be his scrawney neck.
I admire any judge who says "Hung by the scrotum at dawn and left there till he dies!!" |
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May 2004
Posts: 2850
Location: Midland, MI | He should be hung by the parts that make him think he is attractive to the opposite sex. His wallet?
;) |
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January 2002
Posts: 14127
Location: 6 String Ranch | usually need a very large rope for the wallet... |
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May 2002
Posts: 3005
Location: Las Cruces, NM | Hung by a rope fashioned from his wallet and the contents therin, looped around the scrotum and the remainder determining the distance he shall fall (insert the formula for acceleration at the proper altitude here). The leather shall be wound around the neck with enough slack to allow the sight of his castration prior to his asphixiation. (U.S.C. 14ever8hisend) |
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December 2003
Posts: 13987
Location: Upper Left USA | "68% of all statistics are made up"
USA Today did a poll on apathy and empathy in America.
50% didn't know and the other half didn't care! |
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November 2002
Posts: 1300
Location: Madison, Wisconsin | 85% of all humans are abnormal. |
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White men can sing the blues.