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Location: atlanta | The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summoned him to the IRS office.
The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.
The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.'
I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'How about a demonstration?'
The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.'
Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.'
The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.'
Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.
Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.'
Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet.
Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks. 'I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.'
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.
But Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.
'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.
'Not really,' says the attorney. 'This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!' |
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Posts: 1900
| :rolleyes: :D |
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Location: Latitude 39.56819, Longitude -105.080066 | That is hilarious! |
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Location: Steeler Nation, Hudson Valley Contingent |  |
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Location: Vernon CT | Originally posted by Patch:
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Location: South of most, North of few | Good one Dave! |
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Location: East Tennessee |  I love it. |
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Location: Melbourne Australia | I needed the laugh today - thanks :D |
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Location: 6 String Ranch | couldn't happen to a more deserving person either. |
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Location: Phoenix AZ | Would have been funnier if he somehow ended up pissing all over the lawyers desk.
Speaking of IRS, does anyone know what happens when you're supposed to make 4 sizable tax pre-payments throughout the year and at the end of December you realize that you've only made 1 of them?
Do they allow guitars in those white-coller type country club jails?
Toby |
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November 2004
Posts: 4413
| Well I turned 51 in prison
Doing life without parole.
No-one could steer me right
tho' Moody tried, Moody tried.... |
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Posts: 5330
Location: Cicero, NY | "Do they allow guitars in those white-coller type country club jails?"
Kinda. Esteban's. |
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October 2005
Posts: 4046
Location: Utah | I think you'll pay some hefty penalties and interest for missing the quarterly estimated payments. If you make a payment on the 4th one, due January (?) that brings your total up to where it should be, they can still charge penalties, but it isn't nearly as bad.
One year we sold a boatload of stocks to pay 3 tuitions in the summer, and the tax man didn't like that we didn't make an estimated payment for the 3rd quarter, even though I happened to catch the problem in December while doing financial aid calculations for the next year and then made an estimated payment for the 4th quarter that covered it.
The good news, despite some interest penalties paid, is that nobody showed up to take me away to the "Esteban House". |
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Posts: 4389
Location: Capital District, NY, USA Minor Outlying Islands | tuppy, I pay asap with a beg pardon letter.
PS That is good joke. And I'd rather fight a lawyer than the taxman anyday. |
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OT--Grandpa's audit