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Location: Fayetteville, NC | Well It's beena long time since I posted. Unfortunrately The News is not good.
Here at christmas time my wife an i are apart.
We've got to go to court on Wedneday to try and get Visitation with My Kids. I was basically Thrown out. I'm living in spare bedroom at a friends house. i was not allowed to remove anything from the house except clothing and toiletries. I have no way of knowing how long it'll be before i can get any of my personal effects. Suffice it to say I have no guitar to play! She got the Goldmine , I got the shaft!!
I'm even ina borrowed vehicle because my vehicle broke down.
Needless to say this leaves me no Christmas spirit. I miss my family, Yeah I even miss her!
Just wanted my OFC family to know.
I'll keep in touch when i can. |
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| So sorry to hear that. I went thru something similar 5 years ago. It's tough, but hang in there, it'll get better. I'm MUCH better off today than I was then, financially, emotionally and spiritually. Make sure you have an aggressive lawyer - I got everything that I wanted in terms of personal and shared belongings thanks to my lawyer. Expensive, but worth it. Best wishes and hope things turn around quickly for you. Any time you need to vent, we're here. |
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Location: Earth·SolarSystem·LocalInterstellarCloud·Local Bub | Steve, sorry to hear of your plight. I wish you well.
At the risk of sounding like a prick...
based on the tenor of some of your last dozen posts, sounds like you need to make some significantly different kinds of choices in your life to be happy. Some of those choices may be tough to accept or even recognize... I hope you find the insight and courage to pursue paths that will lead to your happiness and fulfillment, even if those paths seem incredibly difficult. Don't forget to ask for support.
(I'm not a therapist, nor do I play one on TV... weight my advice accordingly.) |
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Location: NJ | . . and advise his weight accordingly. |
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Location: Tychy, Poland | good luck. |
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Location: Upper Left USA | Steve,
I’m heartbroken to hear what you are going though. It sounds like everything you thought you had is broken or taken away and that the future only holds more pain and disappointment.
This is not the Christmas the Norman Rockwell painted or that Hallmark is selling.
So I send my condolences and I hope that you have some measure of human support to help you through this. It sounds like there are a least a few there to loan you a car or give you a place to live.
I also believe that you are in fact, a prime candidate for having a “Christmas”!
I’ll throw the explanation into another post but for now I’ll just say that I’m praying for you and encourage you to act on the things you have choices over and to have Godly trust over the things that are out of your control. |
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Location: Latitude 39.56819, Longitude -105.080066 | old but true.....
everything happens for a reason and
what doesn't kill us makes us stronger.
you will get through this and be happier for it. |
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Location: South of most, North of few | When I was going through the same thing, a friend said, "better days are coming". He was absolutely right! Like Stephen said, you will get through this and be happier for it. |
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Location: NJ | I went through the same thing about 7-8 years ago . . . was living in my office for about a week and a half . . .
It ain't easy, but y'have t'get through each day at a time. |
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Location: Boise, Idaho | Last week I was just wondering where you were, Steve. I hoped for good news when you resurfaced. I'm sorry and hope that you just get through this as well as anyone can. Try to stay above all the hard feelings that always come about in these situations. |
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Location: Vermont USA | What Cliff said one day at a time.
Paul |
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Location: Slightly northwest of Trader Jim | It does get better, just keep the faith :( |
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Location: Copenhagen Denmark | I`m hoping the Best for you Steve.
Vic |
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| Don't get me started on judges and lawyers...and at Christmas-time no less...
I hope you can find a HARD-BALL attorney who knows all the judges.. |
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Location: Capital District, NY, USA Minor Outlying Islands | When you're in the middle of something like this, it genuinely sucks.
When you get to the other side of the tunnel it won't be so bad. Take it one step at time, and resist the best you can her efforts to clean you out. Maintain your self respect. Be extra consciencious about personal hygene, try not to drink and smoke. No drugs. Make time to excercise, or at least go for a walk. Eat right. Go to bed on time, try not to let it eat you. You know the drill. This will pass. |
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Location: Parrish, FL | I saw a card yesterday that I thought was clever and so very true. It said,
'When you are going through Hell, keep going!'
Steve, sorry to hear of your troubles. Keep your wits about you and things will work out, often very different and much better that you would have ever thought.
Brad |
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Location: 6 String Ranch | Listen to alot of Merle Haggard. It will help. |
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Location: big island | y'can't direct the wind, but you can adjust your sails.
i've been there before also, and admittedly, more than once. it most definitely gets better. |
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Location: Nashville TN. | Hang in there |
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Location: 6 String Ranch | Listen to more Merle Haggard. |
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Location: Alabama | I went through this about 4 years ago - on Valentine's day no less - but here I am happier, healthier, 7 guitars heavier and wishing you peace. It will get better, it will. |
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Location: Earth·SolarSystem·LocalInterstellarCloud·Local Bub | Originally posted by cliff:
. . and advise his weight accordingly. I will sit on you, if necessary. |
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Location: Brisbane Australia | It's a tough call Mate, as the boys above have said hang in there.
It's pretty bloody tough when you have to go to a court to get visitation rights anytime, let alone at Christmas.
Surely your guitar playing wasn't that bad!!
Take care and try to keep smiling
Steve, all the best from "Downunder"
Cheers AJ |
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Location: 6 String Ranch | I went through it 27 years ago. My Exwife's birthday is Valentine's Day so there is always a perverse laugh I get on that day.
But Merle and I got through it just fine. |
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Location: East Tennessee | Steve,
I have not been through a situation like this so I don't have any suggestions just that I will be praying for you during this very difficult time. |
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Location: Colorado Rocky Mountains | Went through it myself 20 years ago. Both kids moved back to California with their mom on the day the orders became final. Everything I owned could fit in the back of my pickup, and half of that went straight to the dump. Overcoming adversity is what makes us stronger. I remarried within two years, have a wonderful relationship with my kids, and am blessed in many other ways unthinkable back then. Hang in there and follow 4340's advice. Take care of yourself and you'll pull through. |
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Location: Minden, Nebraska | Steve, I know it's bad. Many of us have been through it, as described. That doesn't make it any easier but it does point out that things do get better and they will. Remember the words of Gabriel to Mary: "Nothing will be impossible with God." The greatest good is always at work in the deepest darkness.
There is still the normal pain and grief. A Navy SEAL acquaintance likes to say, "Pain is proof you're still alive." |
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Location: Campbell River, British Columbia | Jim Croce worked really well for me back when break-ups were an option. I am fortunate enough to have just missed marrying the woman I would have divorced. (Which only means she had to go on and punish herself and some other PB)
Wisdom comes from experience. Experience comes from a lot of bad choices. Enjoy the path to wisdom as much as you can. Laugh about it once a day, there is humour in there somewhere. |
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Location: Boise, Idaho | Maybe that's why I'm so dumb. I've made a lot of good choices. Dumb luck is very valuable. Actually, I tend to deliberate so long about any significant choice, that the "opportunity" often passes by. Most of those quick decisions would have been bad ones. |
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Location: closely held secret | As Phil said, good judgment comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgment.
Hang in there, Steve. Most of us have been there and back. You'll come through this as well. |
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Location: SoCal | As my grandfather used to say in times like this, "you'll live, you just won't enjoy it for a while."
And listen to more Merle.... |
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Location: Orlando, FL | Good luck Steve. |
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Location: Campbell River, British Columbia | What Wabbit said; that's what I meant.....
....as usual. |
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| Steve - I'm so sorry to hear this. I almost posted a "Where's Chapman" question a couple of weeks ago.
This last couple of years have been a real trial to you and I've thought about you often. You have had way more than your fair share of heartaches.
There is much in what jeff w. says - maybe you really need to break out of the cycle and for once just try and please yourself. You can't always let everybody else come first. I know these things are easier said than done, especially at Christmas, but we're all rooting for you.
And most of us wish we had half your singing talent (me especially).
Hang on in there bro and I hope you have a lot better Christmas than you're expecting. |
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Location: south east Michigan | I feel for you Steve.
Even with a 28 year marriage under my belt I always think, "But for the grace of God, go I."
Our marriage has been tested once or twice over the years but when push came to shove, turns out we are both cowards. We're just to afraid to put ourselves through it.
Just the thought of it scares the hell out of me.
I hope for the best for you. |
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Location: Budd Lake, NJ | No matter how you lose your spouse, there is no easy way. I think of it like having a cut on your foot--in my case, picture the incision you get when a surgeon slices you open; there's stitches, and a straight-line wound. The other scenario is your case, when you've stepped on a broken bottle--there's also stitches, and a wound, but the result is so vastly different. My wounding was clean, and there wasn't much infection; yours certainly isn't--but either way, both result in a limp. And in both cases, the healing process can seem endless. But...you will learn to walk, and even to run again, Steve, even though parts of you may feel hobbled for a long time.
I will be praying for you in the journey that lies ahead.
--Karen |
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Location: Vermont USA | When at the end of your rope tie a knot and hang on
Pauly |
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Location: Phoenix AZ | Steve - I'm so sorry to hear of your troubles especially at this time of the year. Keep your chin up and know that you have friends who are pulling for you. Dave |
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Location: Blue Ridge Mountains | Steve;
As a minister, most think we must be perfect or at least appear to be so; in 1999, my spouse of 17 years left for another life with another man...I cannot describe to someone who has not gone through a loss of this magnitude how that felt. What I can say is that now, standing and looking back, I can see a guiding hand leading and directing every step. With that help, I found another mate (my true soulmate) and have two beautiful gifts as children. I would not wish this on anyone but it will get better I promise if you take it day by day and look up! I wish for you and will pray for your peace!
May Blessings be upon you! |
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Location: Fayetteville, NC | Thanks everyone for the Kind Words. In Court Today The Jusdge allowed me visitation with my Kids Sundays from 2-6. I have to pick the up from The Cumberland County Detention center and take them back there to be picked up. My wife was not happy and in tears. It Killed me. In spite of every thing I still Love her and would love my family unit restored. Proffesional counseling is a must. This is a result of An incident where an argument Came to blows She puched me i responded in the wrong way and Long story short. I was arrested, and a restraining order issued. The criminal case was disposed of quickly, I have to attend 27 Care resolve group classes and pay the $175 for em' I also am on 12 months supervised Probation. At the end of the year the criminal case is dismissed. The civil Matter Today was simply to try and tell my side and also get to see my kids.
You know I admit it! I was Wrong! It was really Both of our faults, But I'm The Man and i never should have responded in such a way. In fact, It's really not in my nature. Nothing like this has ever happened in my 45 years on this earth.
I know there is redemption and forgiveness.
It's just really hard right now.
Not having them around at Christmas and realizing that My Christmas eve and Christmas day will be spent alone doesn't make it easier.
I have to try and get good used tires on my car and my own liabilty insurance. I have know idea wher the cash flow is coming from.
All This and no Guitar-Not sure i'd feel like playing right now but i will eventually.
Thanks for allowing me to sound off. I am talking with counselors and Ministers too and just trying to get through this.
Still, all I want for Christmas is my Family back.
Guess Santa's A little busy to answer that one for now.
I love you guys!! I really do! The ones I've met have always been gracious and the ones i haven't, i always feel like you're family from posts.
It's always great to have a place to belong.
I'll keep you all posted. |
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| Steve - I pass no judgment. Excuse the black humor, but Chris Rock once said you've never really been in love until you've wanted to kill your partner. How true that is.
It's good you're getting counseling. Keep talking, that's the easiest way to get through these times. You can't keep your emotions and frustrations bottled up, it's not healthy. If your wife believes that you're truly sorry this happened, and nothing like this has ever happened before, you can probably be back together. It will take time, but if both of you seek counseling together and you're both committed to making your marriage work, you'll come out stronger in the end. Best wishes. |
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Location: Boise, Idaho | This rant isn't really related to you, Steve, but sometimes stories like these make me sad that I am part of the legal system. For all the good that it does to resolve differences with a civilized system, there are probably as many ruined families because people don't work things out themselves anymore, they go get a lawyer or judge to do it.
I have a friend whose teenager called the cops to complain about his dad beating him. True, they had a tussle after the kid hit his mom. No punches thrown. More like a wrestling match. The kid calmed down and wanted to drop the charges, but the cops and prosecutor wouldn't let him. Mom refused to take sides. That led to a divorce. The kid chose to live with dad. That made for a custody battle. I don't have a solution, just an observation and a wish that things will work out for the best. Steve, if you were closer, I'd invite you over for Christmas dinner and loan you a guitar so you could concentrate on playing some sad songs for awhile instead of living them. |
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Location: Nova Scotia, Canada | I filed for divorce on my seventh anniversary. There is never a good time to go through something like this.
Hang tough, Steve. |
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Location: Budd Lake, NJ | "Not sure I'd feel like playing right now..."
Perhaps if you had a guitar, you would--after Jack died, my "stringed sister" really helped me get the pain out. Any of our brothers over in that neck of the woods have a therapeutic loaner that's not being used right now? (I'd gladly drive over with one of mine, Steve, but I'm probably a good ten hours away, and it's a little cold to ship them...)
--Karen |
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Location: Campbell River, British Columbia | [Hug] When words don't work [/Hug]
Keep talking, we're listening. |
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Location: Phoenix, AZ | Originally posted by Mauvais Beal:
Listen to more Merle Haggard. When you're done with Merle, put on some Sam Kinnison! |
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Location: Fayetteville, NC | Would'nt you know it?!! No CD Player, No CD Collection(It's all in the house) so I guess No Merle or Kinnison for now. |
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Location: Blue Ridge Mountains | Steve, if you need an ear, shoot me a pm...I'll listen and hopefuly help!
Hang in there: it gets better...and whatever you do, obey the restraining order!
Seriously, I'm here if I can help you! |
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Location: Fayetteville, NC | This emotional roller coater is no Fun! I went through the loss of a wife back in 1998 after 10 years of mmarriage and two years of dating. Total 12 years no Children.
This time is The children are involved and i really would like the chance to go to counseling together and work through this. Since nothing like this has ever happened before. we had problems sure. but let me put it this way. If she gives me a chance, I won't need another.
I love my Wife and my Children. I just want the chance to make it right.
woke up this morning and it's hard to stop crying.
Real man huh? |
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Location: SoCal | If real men aren't supposed to cry then I don't qualify.
Steve, you gotta take this one day at a time and know that you'll get thru this. Go talk with somebody today. You'll feel better.
And listen to Merle...... |
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Location: Fayetteville, NC | Thanks again for the continued support, Music Mike called me and we talked for a while. made me feel better for the time being. It was really very nice of him to call and offer me counsel.
I'll post more as i'm able.
Thanks again Mike. |
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Location: Brisbane Australia | Everyone deserves a second chance, I'm sure you will get yours.
A man who cannot shed a tear has no heart.
I hope you get to see your kids at Christmas.
All the best Mate
AJ |
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Location: Fayetteville, NC | I got to spend 4 Hours with my kids yesterday. It was a very nice visit. i got to explin to them how very much i love them and that Daddy Made a mistake, but that i still love them very much and i love their mommy. I told them how much i miss them and that For the time being I will be with them for 4 hours every Sunday.
We went to The Store for them to each pick out a toy for Christmas. I got their Mom a gift card.
I 'm not really supposed to, but hey, It's Christmas.
After the store visit, Which took a while due to Rabid Christmas shoppers. we went To Mcdonalds, i bought them each a happy meal and we went into the playplace and played together.
I wish i had spent more time through the years playing with them and loving them, beinga better Dad.
It killed me inside to watch them leave when i dropped them offf to their mother.
It still tears me up inside that i'm not with them tonight for Christmas Eve. or Getting to see the look of excitement and happiness on their Faces Christmas morning when they see what santa Left.
Guys please keep me in your prayers. Sometimes it seems like it takes all i can do to just go on. |
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| Steve - we'll keep you in our thoughts. It's good you could spend some time with your kids. I remember the 1st Xmas I was without my 2 daughters, and it was very, very hard. I, too, kept kicking myself for not having spent more time with them before. But you know what? The time you spend with your kids now is extra special because you're focused on quality time with them - no other distractions. I know how hard it is, but keep your spirits up, it WILL get better. |
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Location: Minden, Nebraska | Steve, Merry Christmas to you.
I think we all understand the hurt and pain, and many of us have been through similar enough experiences to empathize and know how real it is.
One thing about the meaning of Christmas is that we CAN go on. With all due respect to everyone else, from a Christian perspective the greatest gift in human history provides the greatest hope for humanity's future. 'Emmanuel' means God is with us. You're not alone and never will be. |
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Location: Pacific Northwest Inland Empire | The greatest gift to your children is showing them how "big people" deal with adversity.
And, get a physical exam. This stuff, literally, will eat your insides. If you can't be good to yourself, you won't be good for anybody else.
And, yes, that is a professional opinion. |
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Location: Huntington Beach, California | Steve,
Tomorrow is a better day. You hang in and remember time heal all wounds. Take care.
Jeffeman |
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Location: Fayetteville, NC | Well I think one of the most painful things about this incident is that here at Christmas My wife didn't at lest let my two little Boys call me and wish me Meery Christmas. It would have been at least a kind gesture. She's just not being kind at the moment. Yet I still Love her, Miss her and miss my Family.
That's what makes the tears come.
Not so much that i made a mistake, It's not being able to ask and recive her forgiveness.
Theer was only one gift i wanted this Christmas..My family back.
I don't really mind that I didn't recive any gifts. It's like i said, I'd have been satisfied just to be home. |
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Location: Simpsonville, SC | Merry Christmas, Steve! I hope that the New Year brings you what you seek.
May 2008 be a great year for ya!!
Jim |
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Location: 6 String Ranch | Stop beating yourself up. Listen to more Merle Haggard. |
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Location: GATLINBURG TENNESSEE :) | Steve,
I'll be praying for you. Just remember you only need to make it through one day at a time. Eventually you will see the light at the end of the tunnel and things WILL get better.
Bryan |
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| Steve - you've gotten through this Christmas, and while it may not have been ideal there's no use dwelling on it or beating yourself up about it since you can't change the past. One day at a time, bro. Things will turn around. |
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Location: Omaha, NE | I've gone through periods where I was afraid my wife would leave me...and I've gone through periods where I was afraid she wouldn't. |
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Sorry no Christmas Spirit!