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Posts: 3736
Location: Sunshine State, Australia | Unofficial banjo joke thread.
Q. What's the difference between a banjo and a trampoline?
A. You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.
Q. What's the definition of 'perfect pitch'?
A. Throwing a banjo in the toilet without hitting the rim.
Q. What's the best way to tune a banjo?
A. With a chainsaw.
Definition of a gentleman.
Someone who CAN play banjo, but chooses not to.
Q. How can you make a million bucks as a banjo player?
A. Start with 2 million.
A banjo player walks into a bar. Another banjo player walks into the bar.…you'd think the second banjo player would have seen what happened to the first banjo player and ducked!
Q. What is the range of a banjo?
A. About 10 meters if you throw it hard enough.
Q. What's the difference between a banjo and a South American Macaw?
A. One is loud, obnoxious and noisy, the other's a bird.
Q. What do you call a good musician at a banjo contest?
A. A visitor.
Q. What's the best way to play a banjo?
A. Alone.
Q. How is playing the banjo like throwing a javelin blindfolded?
A. You don't have to be very good to get people's attention.
Q. What do you call 25 banjos buried up to their nuts (Banjos, not banjo players) in concrete?
A. Not enough concrete.
Banjo players spend half their time tuning and the rest of the time playing out of tune.
Q. What's the difference between a banjo player and a terrorist?
A. A terrorist has sympathisers.
Q. (For Mark) What's the difference between a banjo player and a lawyer?
A. You don't want to run over a lawyer.
Take it away gang.... |
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Posts: 2683
Location: Hot Springs, S.D. | I'm laughing so hard I can barely type. That perfect pitch one, I have never heard before. I'm going to change that to mandolin for my buddy.
The only thing I can think of now is that old Far Side cartoon, where the devil is ushering a gentleman into a room full of banjo players and says "This will be your room, Maestro." |
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Posts: 7307
Location: South of most, North of few | Wow Muzza, great job! I'll bet TRboy has a headache by now. :D
Whats the best sound a banjo makes?
When it hits the dumpster. |
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December 2004
Posts: 4394
Location: East Tennessee | "There's nothing I like better than the sound of a banjo,
unless it's the sound of a chicken caught in a vacuum cleaner…" |
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Posts: 2178
Location: the BIG Metropolis of TR | We mock...what we don't understand........
;) |
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Posts: 10777
Location: Keepin' It Weird in Portland, OR | None of these folks mocking the banjo can Play one!
[now they're gonna kick me off the site, huh? :confused: ] |
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March 2005
Posts: 5567
Location: Blue Ridge Mountains | Our own "Debanjo" Rhinehardt is one of the finest professional session banjo players in the world: and quite a fine guitar player as well...
As those in attendance at Amelia can attest to! |
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Posts: 2985
Location: Sydney, Australia | Careful Muzz, you don't live too far away from the banjo line.
(For the non Aussies, our new Prime Minister, in a mistaken moment of candidness said that when you get near Gympie you can hear the banjos playing) |
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Posts: 2683
Location: Hot Springs, S.D. | Hey, wait a minute. I LOVE my banjo, but I also love a good laugh. But come to think of it, OMA did say "None of these folks mocking the banjo can PLAY one." (But I'm trying.) |
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Posts: 3736
Location: Sunshine State, Australia | I like banjos.
I like banjo jokes better.
I can't stand ukeleles, bagpipes and accordions. |
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August 2005
Posts: 3736
Location: Sunshine State, Australia | Let's get back on topic...
Q. what's the difference between a good banjo player and a bad banjo player?
A. There are good banjo players??? :eek: |
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Posts: 2178
Location: the BIG Metropolis of TR | 
Resistance Is Futile.....You WILL Be Assimilated..... |
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August 2005
Posts: 3736
Location: Sunshine State, Australia | Originally posted by MusicMishka:
Our own "Debanjo" Rhinehardt is one of the finest professional session banjo players in the world... And I'll bet he knows lots of really good banjo jokes.  |
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Posts: 3736
Location: Sunshine State, Australia | A guy is driving back to Brisbane from a banjo gathering in Gympie. He stops in Eumundi for a pub lunch to break up his journey.
As he's sitting in the bar, sipping his cider, he remembers that he's left his very expensive ($75) banjo on the back seat of his car, if full view.
He runs out of the pub and into the carpark to check his beloved banjo and even before he gets there, he sees that his rear passenger window has been smashed.
Alarmed, he sprints to the car, wrenches the door open and finds 5 more banjos in there.  |
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Posts: 1132
Location: NW Washington State | What's the difference between a banjo and an onion?
Nobody cries when you cut up a banjo. |
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Posts: 13303
Location: Latitude 39.56819, Longitude -105.080066 | I sent those jokes to my banjo playing buddies but the server rejected them all. |
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Posts: 4389
Location: Capital District, NY, USA Minor Outlying Islands | How many banjo players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, for obvious reasons. |
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Posts: 4833
Location: Campbell River, British Columbia | Banjo players screw up tunes, not light bulbs. |
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Posts: 2246
Location: Yucaipa, California | 
...sigh... |
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Posts: 14127
Location: 6 String Ranch | Why do banjo players leave their picks on the dash?
So they can park in the handicapped spots |
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Posts: 2711
Location: Vernon CT | Originally posted by Old Man Arthur:
[QB] None of these folks mocking the banjo can Play one!
Question, Would they want to? ;) |
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Posts: 2793
Location: Atlanta, GA. | What did the banjo player get on his IQ test?
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Drool. |
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Posts: 2246
Location: Yucaipa, California | ...how can you tell if the stage is level? Tha banjo player drools evenly from both sides of his mouth.
Did you know that the Toothbrush was invented by a banjo player? Had to be, otherwise it would have been called a teethbrush. |
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October 2005
Posts: 803
Location: Avondale, AZ | I like banjos. There I said it and I feel better. How would the song "sweet City Woman" sound without a banjo?
What I don't like is your mama.
Your mama is so old when she orders a 3 minute egg, she has to pay in advance.
She is so stupid she walked you to school every day because she was in the same grade.
She is so fat that when she bent over the teacher told the other students to step outside and see the eclips.
She is so old that when she is bare footed people complement her on her alligator shoes.
She is so old her social security number is 3.
she is so fat that whenever she wears high heals she strikes oil. |
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Posts: 5750
Location: Scotland | Q. What has 24 legs and 7 teeth?
A. The front row at a banjo workshop.
Q. What's the difference between a banjo and a chainsaw?
A. A chainsaw has a wider dynamic range. |
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Posts: 803
Location: Avondale, AZ | Your mama is so fat she has here own moon.
She is so greesy the moon speeds up every orbit. |
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April 2006
Posts: 1017
Location: Budd Lake, NJ | Well, all y'all will probably revoke my membership, but, I LOVE bluegrass banjo. One of the best musicians in our Monday night group play Scruggs-style, and the other claw-hammer; I wish I could play guitar 1/100 as well as they play banjo. (Sigh.)
We've had other threads where we've ragged on'em, and that's o.k. I still love them anyway. Minorities are mostly all misunderstood...... ;)
--Karen |
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August 2005
Posts: 3736
Location: Sunshine State, Australia | Originally posted by Jewel's Mom:
One of the best musicians in our Monday night group play Scruggs-style, and the other claw-hammer; Ask them for their best banjo jokes - they'll have hundreds. :D |
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Posts: 2246
Location: Yucaipa, California | Karen said:
Minorities are mostly all misunderstood......
See! I told you that nobody understands me! Not even my Therapist!
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Posts: 7307
Location: South of most, North of few | It's the hat Tim....not the banjo. |
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February 2003
Posts: 2178
Location: the BIG Metropolis of TR | A Rabbi and a banjo player are traveling through the country with their friend from India when their car gets stuck in a ditch. Stranded, they walk to the nearest farmhouse and knock on the door. A farmer and his beautiful daughter answer the door. The farmer says he'll be glad to put 'em up for the night and they can go for help in the morning. However, there is only room for two in the house, one of them will have to sleep in the barn.
The Rabbi volunteers and goes off to the barn. A few minutes later, there is a knock at the door, it's the Rabbi, "I cannot sleep with pig, it's sacrilege."
Then the Hindu volunteers to sleep with the pig and goes off to the barn. A few minutes later, there is another knock on the door, "I cannot sleep with cow, sacrilege."
So, now the banjo player takes his banjo and goes off to sleep in the barn. A few minutes later, there is a knock on the door--it's the cow and the pig!!! |
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Posts: 2711
Location: Vernon CT | Good one TRboy!!! |
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Posts: 15680
Location: SoCal | Earlier this week I was in South Lake Tahoe at a family reunion. At the campfire each evening, my uncle (who gave me my first guitar, then the family heirloom, a 1914 Martin 0018) brought out a 5 string banjo which had only 4 strings on it (with the 5th string tuner removed). It was tuned like a guitar. Using my regular picking patterns, it sounded good and was a lot of fun. I might look for something like that to mess around with..... |
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Location: Latitude 39.56819, Longitude -105.080066 | Banjo players might be a little more respect if they didn't have a style of playing called "claw-hammer". |
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Location: SoCal | Jerry Reed called his style of thumb and fingerpicking "Clawin'" and nobody seems to show him a lack of respect...... |
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Location: Latitude 39.56819, Longitude -105.080066 | Jerry Reed is an icon...... |
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Location: the BIG Metropolis of TR | Originally posted by moody, p.i.:
.....It was tuned like a guitar. Using my regular picking patterns, it sounded good and was a lot of fun. I might look for something like that to mess around with..... Paul, find yourself a 6 string banjotar... |
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October 2005
Posts: 5332
Location: Bluffton, SC | Sure, Mike...you can feed him ideas like that because you're 2,500 miles away but what about those poor souls on the West Coast?
You might want to stay away from the windows for a while... |
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Posts: 14842
Location: NJ | . . JUST when you thought that those same old Three Chords couldn't POSSibly sound any "worse" . . . |
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March 2008
Posts: 2683
Location: Hot Springs, S.D. | Moody, The four long strings are tuned D,G,B,D so it's just like guitar except where you'd have the first string open, you now have to play the second fret. That is what makes for different possibilities, and makes it so much fun. Try it that way, I promise you'll not find it that difficult, and you'll probably get hooked on it as badly as I am! (Then your wife and all your friends will hate me, but that's OK.) |
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Posts: 15680
Location: SoCal | Andrea, I've got an old tenor banjo and just might clean it up and give that a try.
Clifford --- bite me. |
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Location: NJ | it's been my understanding that battery acid makes a DANDY banjo-cleaner . . . |
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Posts: 5332
Location: Bluffton, SC | Shampoo too, Paul. Send pics.
(TR - you mailbox is full.) |
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November 2003
Posts: 11039
Location: Earth·SolarSystem·LocalInterstellarCloud·Local Bub | Originally posted by moody, p.i.:
Andrea, I've got an old tenor banjo and just might clean it up and give that a try. he apologizes, Allison... |
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February 2003
Posts: 2178
Location: the BIG Metropolis of TR | Originally posted by cliff:
it's been my understanding that battery acid makes a DANDY banjo-cleaner . . . .....Cleaned out my mailbox pretty good too!
Talk at me Weas..... |
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Posts: 5881
Location: Colorado Rocky Mountains | Originally posted by moody, p.i.:
. . . my first guitar, then the family heirloom, a 1914 Martin 0018 . . . Just curious, assuming you still have it, why it isn't still the family heirloom? |
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February 2003
Posts: 2178
Location: the BIG Metropolis of TR | Originally posted by stephent28:
Banjo players might be a little more respect if they didn't have a style of playing called "claw-hammer". Howzabout the style called "ball-slammer"?
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Location: Earth·SolarSystem·LocalInterstellarCloud·Local Bub | that's profoundly disturbing. |
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Location: the BIG Metropolis of TR | Originally posted by Jeff W.:
that's profoundly disturbing. NO..... THIS is profoundly disturbing! :eek:
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Location: Earth·SolarSystem·LocalInterstellarCloud·Local Bub | Go to your room.
No dinner. |
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Posts: 4413
| I recognized jeff but who's the other guy? |
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Location: NJ | That's Jeff and his brother, Jeff. |
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Location: NJ | OneManGroup. |
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| I always heard "Two heads are better than one." Didn't realize it was so literal. |
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Location: the BIG Metropolis of TR | No one said they were better!....(O.K. I'm going to my room now...) |
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Location: East Tennessee |  |
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Location: South of most, North of few | Right back at ya Mike!
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Location: the BIG Metropolis of TR | ...Right back at both fuv you....
I WAS in the picture but....I had to go to the bathroom (overactive bladder...you understand!) |
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Location: East Tennessee | The Pigeon River runs right behind the store towards my house. I hope you didn't go back there. :eek: |
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Location: the BIG Metropolis of TR | ...Oops! :o |
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Location: East Tennessee |  |
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Location: East Tennessee | TR,
I forgot to mention. You should see what's across the river behind the Music Outlet now. I try and take a picture this week and post it. |
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February 2003
Posts: 2178
Location: the BIG Metropolis of TR | ....If it's brown, stinky, and you stepped in it....I swear it wasn't mine! :eek: (and you're gonna take a picture of it?) |
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Posts: 3969
| The next big game:
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March 2007
Posts: 843
Location: CA | The way I heard it:
What's the definition of perfect pitch?
The sound of a banjo hitting the inside of a dumpster.
Best hillbilly figure of speech I think I ever heard:
"She was so buck-toothed she could eat watermelon through a picket fence." |
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May 2003
Posts: 4389
Location: Capital District, NY, USA Minor Outlying Islands | What's the best thing about the banjo?
The sound doesn't smell. |
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January 2002
Posts: 14127
Location: 6 String Ranch | What's the most requested banjo tune?
Please play "Far Far Away" |
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March 2002
Posts: 14842
Location: NJ | There's a good bit on that "Further/Tush" video from the JerseyJam where Temp yells t'Witko "TAKE it, Dave!!" To which Dave happily strums his uke.
Then temp yells
". . No! . . Take It over THERE!! . . . ." |
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Posts: 14127
Location: 6 String Ranch | at least it's easy to drown out a uke. |
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April 2008
Posts: 2336
Location: Brighty in Blighty | I play a 5 string, Earl Scruggs style.
Now joking apart it's a great way to help develop your right hand if you want to play finger style guitar.
So let's embrace banjo players, after all we share most of our DNA with chimpanzees so banjo players can't be that different from 'normal' people :D
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Posts: 4394
Location: East Tennessee | OK Group Hug. 
Picking on them is more fun.  |
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Banjo lovers rejoice!