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December 2003
Posts: 1071
Location: Carle Place, NY | A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw an unusually beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized she was heading straight toward his seat. Lo and behold, she took the seat right beside his.
Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurted out, "Business trip or vacation?"
She turned, smiled, and said, "Business. The annual Sexual Education Convention in Chicago." He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen, sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting for sex education! Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"
"Lecturer," she responded. "I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."
"Really," he said. "What myths are those?"
"Well," she explained. "One popular myth is that African American men are the most well endowed, when in fact, it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait." "Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Jewish descent. We have, however, found that the best potential lover in all categories is the Southern Redneck."
Suddenly, the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry", she said. "I shouldn't really be discussing this with you. I don't even know your name."
"Tonto," the man said. "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba." | |
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Joined:
March 2005
Posts: 1421
Location: Orange County, California | :D I've heard it before, but that was very well told and made me laugh again! Thanks! :D | |
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Joined:
March 2005
Posts: 1421
Location: Orange County, California | Ole and his friends.
Two fellas from Sweden walked into a pet shop in Minneapolis. They head to
the bird section and Sven says to Ole, "Dat's dem."
The owner comes over and asks if he can help them.
"Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere,"
says Sven.
The owner puts the budgies in a paper bag. Ole and Sven pay for the birds,
leave the shop and get into Sven's pick-up and drive to the top of the big
cliffs by a lake. At the cliffs, Sven looks down at the 100-foot drop and
says: "Dis looks like a grand place."
He takes two birds out of the bag, puts them on his shoulders and jumps
off the cliff. Ole watches as Sven falls all the way to the bottom,
killing himself stone dead.
Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Ole shakes his head and says:
"Dis budgie jumping is too dangerous for me."
BUT WAIT!!!! There's MORE!
PART TWO:
Moments later, Knut arrives up at the cliffs. He's been to the pet shop
too and walks up to the edge of the cliff carrying another paper bag in
one hand and a shotgun in the other.
"Hey, Ole. Watch dis," Knut says.
He takes a parrot from the bag and throws himself over the edge of the
cliff. Ole watches as half way down, Knut takes the gun and shoots the
parrot. Knut continues to plummet down and down until he hits the bottom
and breaks every bone in his body.
Ole shakes his head and says, "And I'm never trying dat parrotshooting
either."
BUT WAIT!!!! There's MORE!
PART THREE:
Ole is just getting over the shock of losing two friends when Lars
appears.
He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a paper bag out of which he
pulls a chicken.
Lars grasps the chicken by the legs holds it over his head and hurls
himself off the cliff and disappears down and down until he hits a rock
and breaks his spine.
Once more, Ole shakes his head.....
"First der was Sven with his budgie jumping.... den Knut
parrotshooting.... and now Lars is hengliding!" | |
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Joined:
December 2003
Posts: 13996
Location: Upper Left USA | Shortly after Ole was hauled in and asked a few questions by Police Chief Ingemar. He suspected foul play! | |
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March 2005
Posts: 12759
Location: Boise, Idaho | I almost miss the days of Pollack jokes. | |
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Joined:
November 2005
Posts: 4832
Location: Campbell River, British Columbia | I miss my highschool blond polish sweetheart who told me all the Polack jokes in the known world.
(Much more fun than getting lawyer jokes from a lawyer.) | |
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February 2005
Posts: 1132
Location: Parrish, FL | ENCORE! ENCORE! | |
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March 2005
Posts: 12759
Location: Boise, Idaho | As a Polish lawyer, I've heard more than my share directed at me. Glad I'm not blonde. | |
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January 2002
Posts: 14127
Location: 6 String Ranch | A blond polish lawyer. OY! that would be something heavy to live with! | |
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Joined:
November 2005
Posts: 1126
Location: Omaha, NE | Sven and Oly.
Sven and Oly were bored, sitting in the volunteer fire station. Finally, a call came in. It was a minor kitchen fire, so the fire Chief figured it would be safe to send Sven and Oly.
So, off they go.
Hours go by, and Sven and Oly are still not back. The Chief is worried. He decides to head over to the fire and see what's happening.
He arrives to see Sven down on all fours and Oly putting it to him from behind.
"What in the world is going on here!", demands the Chief.
(It does well to visualize a thick Norwegian accent here)
"Well, Chief", replies Oly, "it goes like this. Its all about mouth to mouth resusitation"
"What are you talking about?!?!"
"You see Chief, we get to this here fire, and the house is pretty well a-full of the smoke. So old Oly he has to go in to look for civilians you see, so he goes into the house to look around. Next thing I know old Oly's all a-passed out from the smoke! So, like I said, its all about the mouth to mouth resusitation"
"What are you talking about Sven!?!? I'm asking how come you're doing that to Oly right now! What's that got to do with mouth to mouth resusitation?!?!?"
"Well, Chief, how do you think this got a-started anyhow?" | |
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Joined:
November 2004
Posts: 4413
| >> The Wisdom of Moss <<
Supermodel not clever - shock
On a fashion shoot in a derelict house, Kate
Moss wanted to take a pee. The assistant told
her: "Well, there is a loo, but there's no
door on it".
Kate replied: "Well how the fuck do I get
in there then?" An embarrassed silence ensued...
This is said to be true. | |
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Joined:
November 2005
Posts: 4832
Location: Campbell River, British Columbia | Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
1. Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
2. Announcement in a church bulletin for a national PRAYER & FASTING Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
3. The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
4. Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
5. Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.
6. The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict.
7. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.
8. Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
9. Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
10. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
11. Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
12. Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
13. The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: " Break Forth Into Joy."
14. Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
15. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
16. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
17. Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
18. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
19. Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
20. Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.
21. The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
22. Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
23. The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
24. This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
25. Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
26. The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next
Sunday.
27. Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
28. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
29. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
30. The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge ! Up Yours!" | |
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Joined:
February 2003
Posts: 2178
Location: the BIG Metropolis of TR | For his birthday, little Patrick asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His
father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is
$280,000 & your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford
it."
The next day the father saw little Patrick heading out the front door
with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?"
Little Patrick told him, "I was walking past your room last night and
heard you telling Mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to
wait because she was coming too. And I'll be damned if I'm staying here
by myself with a $280,000 mortgage and no bike." | |
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Joined:
March 2006
Posts: 1634
Location: Chehalis, Washington | One NON-PC zinger...
I heard recently that the Pollocks were moving out of the outhouse, because the blondes downstairs were making too much noise...
:eek:
And on a more positive note:
A Polish scientist was studying the reactions of frogs. He placed the frog on an observation table and said, "jump, frog." The frog jumped six feet down the table.
The scientist scribbled some notes, then proceeded to cut off the frog's front legs. He then repeated the command, "jump, frog." This time the frog, without the use of its front legs, only jumped three feet. The scientist jotted down more notes.
After he was done, he cut off the frog's back legs, and again commanded, "jump, frog." The frog did nothing. He leaned closer and in a loud voice said, "jump, frog." Again, the frog did nothing.
The scientist made the following entry into his journal, "Frog without legs is deaf."
:D | |
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Joined:
February 2003
Posts: 2178
Location: the BIG Metropolis of TR | Originally posted by Mark in Boise:
As a Polish lawyer, I've heard more than my share directed at me. Glad I'm not blonde. A blonde and a Polish lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from Phoenix to Boise.
The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde, very tired, just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over toward the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists (as lawyers are known to do) and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00 and vice versa."
Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.
The Polish lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $500.00."
This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to the torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.
The Polish lawyer asks the first question, "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"
The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in her purse, pulls out a $5 bill and hands it to the lawyer.
"Okay," says the lawyer, "your turn."
She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"
The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and Library of Congress, still no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to all his friends and coworkers, all to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500.
The blonde says, "Thank you," and turns back to get some more sleep.
The Polish lawyer, more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"
Without a word, the blonde reaches in her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep ;) | |
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Joined:
April 2006
Posts: 1138
Location: CT | A young boy passes his father's room and through the crack in the door sees him masturbating vigorously and saying " I need a woman...I need a woman...I need a woman........"
The next night he passes again, and again his father is masturbating, and chanting "I need a woman...I need a woman......."
This goes on for several nights, untill one night the boy sees a beautiful woman in the room with his father.
The following morning, the father passes the boys room, and through the crack in the door, sees his son masturbating vigorously and chanting "I need a bike....I need a bike...I need a bike........" | |
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Joined:
April 2006
Posts: 1138
Location: CT | A frog is minding his business on a lilly pad when out of the sky, an eagle swoops down and swallows him whole.
A couple of hours later, the frogs head pokes out of the eagles butt, and says "How high are we" The eagle says, "Oh, about 35,000 feet" and the frog says "You've gotta be shitting me" | |
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Joined:
December 2003
Posts: 13996
Location: Upper Left USA | USA Today ran a poll on apathy and ignorance in America.
Nearly 47% didn't know anything about it and 58% didn't care. | |
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Joined:
April 2005
Posts: 331
Location: San Angelo, Texas | And I thought you were going to say that the lawyer didn't have 500 so handed over one of his Ovations.... | |
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March 2002
Posts: 15678
Location: SoCal | Woodrow, that was the joke of the day about 30 years ago... | |
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Joined:
December 2003
Posts: 13996
Location: Upper Left USA | What if I say I'm too young to know that Paul?
New Direction:
Jokes you inherited from your parents;
"Did you hear about the two maggots that were working in dead ernest?" - My Dad, circa 1965 and forward. | |
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November 2003
Posts: 11039
Location: Earth·SolarSystem·LocalInterstellarCloud·Local Bub | How do you know when a moth farts?
....it flies straight | |
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Joined:
December 2003
Posts: 13996
Location: Upper Left USA | BTW - Does someone need a nap? :rolleyes: | |
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March 2005
Posts: 12759
Location: Boise, Idaho | My wife's new Mother's Day T shirt:
"No one listens to me except when I fart!" | |
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Joined:
December 2003
Posts: 1071
Location: Carle Place, NY | Originally posted by MWoody:
Jokes you inherited from your parents;
"Did you hear about the two maggots that were working in dead ernest?" - My Dad, circa 1965 and forward. Did you hear about the constipated mathematician who worked out the problem with a pencil? | |
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Joined:
December 2003
Posts: 13996
Location: Upper Left USA | "did you hear about the Canibal that passed an old friend?" | |
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Joined:
November 2005
Posts: 1126
Location: Omaha, NE | Q: What's the last thing to go through a bugs mind when it hits your windshield?
A: His ass. | |
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Joined:
November 2005
Posts: 4832
Location: Campbell River, British Columbia | SOME NEW-OLD JOKES.
~ What is a computer's first sign of old age?
Loss of memory
~ What does a baby computer call his father?
Data
~ What is an astronaut's favorite key on a computer keyboard?
The space bar
~ What happened when the computer fell on the floor?
It slipped a disk.
~ Why was there a bug in the computer?
It was looking for a byte to eat.
~ What is a computer virus?
A terminal illness
~ To err is human; but to really mess things up requires a computer.
~ Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
~ Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
~ The attention span of a computer is as long as its electrical cord.
~ As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
~ Most computer problems are caused by a loose nut between the chair and the keyboard. | |
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Joined:
April 2005
Posts: 331
Location: San Angelo, Texas | know the difference between a job and a wife?
job still sucks after 5 years. | |
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Joined:
February 2003
Posts: 2178
Location: the BIG Metropolis of TR | A man returning home a day early from a business trip got into a taxi at the airport. It was after midnight. While enroute to his home, he asked the cabby if he would be a witness for him. The man suspected his wife was having an affair and he intended to catch her in the act. For $100, the cabby agreed.
Quietly arriving at the house, the husband and cabby tiptoed into the bedroom. The husband switched on the lights, yanked the blanket back,
and there was his wife in bed with another man. The husband put a gun to the naked man's head.
The wife shouted, "Don't do it! This man has been very generous! I lied when I told you I inherited money. He paid for the Corvette I bought for you.
He paid for our new cabin cruiser. He paid for our house at the lake.
He paid for our country club membership, and he even pays the monthly dues!"
Shaking his head from side-to-side the husband slowly lowered the gun.
He looked over at the cab driver and said, "What would you do?"
The cabby said, "I'd cover his ass up with that blanket before he catches a cold." | |
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Joined:
February 2003
Posts: 2178
Location: the BIG Metropolis of TR | Why Men ARE Happier Than Women.....
...Men Are Just Happier People - What do you expect from such simple creatures? :D
Our last name stays put.
The garage is all ours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
We can be President.
We can never be pregnant. :cool:
We can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
We can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell us the truth.
The world is our urinal.
We never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
We don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000 - Tux rental-$100.
People never stare at our chest when we're talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch/fart is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle our feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
We know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
We can open all our own jars.
We get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite us, he or she can still be our friend.
Our underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
We almost never have strap problems in public.
We are unable to see wrinkles in our clothes.
Everything on our face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
We only have to shave our face and neck.
We can play with toys all our life. ;)
Our belly usually hides our big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons.
We can wear shorts no matter how our legs look.
We can "do" our nails with a pocket knife.
We have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. :p
We can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes!!! | |
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Joined:
April 2006
Posts: 972
Location: PDX | All my relatives live in the Midwest. When I was young we did a semi-annual visiting tour. My uncle Chester lived in Iowa just outside of Des Moines and raise hogs. On one visit there, he wakes me up early to go slop the hogs and watch the sun rise.
We get to the pen and he calls the pigs to the rail and begins to feed them. Last out of the hog shed was an ambling three legged hog. Taken a bit by surprise and boyish pity I said to Chester, “that’s sad, he looks like he is in pain. What happened to him?”
Chester looks up from his business and with country wisdom in his eyes looks down on me and says, “That is Elmer, and he is the best pig I ever owned. Why he saved my life not too long back. I was out tilling the back forty where there is a steep slope over by the irrigation pond. I got the tractor a bit kitty-whompus and it rolled over on me, pinning me underneath it. Broke a couple ribs, my legs, and cut up my arm something fierce. I was there, sure to bleed to death, when Elmer comes running up and roots a hole under me so I could get free. He then dragged me back to the farm and your Aunt Maud patched me up and got me to the doc. Yep, Elmer is the best pig I ever owned.”
“Wow” I said “but how did he loose his leg?”
Uncle Chester looked over at me with a puzzled look and said, “Now, you wouldn’t eat a pig like that all at once, would you?”
gh1 | |
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March 2006
Posts: 1634
Location: Chehalis, Washington | Did you hear about the constipated mathematician who worked out the problem with a pencil? How about the lens grinder who backed into the grinding machine and made a spectacle of himself. | |
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Joined:
December 2003
Posts: 13996
Location: Upper Left USA | The First Mate was rowing his dory back to the ship after a long night ashore. Suddenly one of his oars snapped clean off. "Tarnation" he exclaimed!
So being the true sailor that he is he relashes the other oarlock in a gondola configuration and starts to heave-ho. Sure enough "Crack!" goes the second oar. Frustrated and hung over he assesses his situation. Soon he spies the Captain rowing out with a couple of woman passengers.
"Captain, Ho there Captain"! "Lend me one of your oars if you will, Sir" he shouts!
The Captain glares at him with his good eye and says "Its the brig for you ya scallywag"! "This ere's me dear Mother and me Sister"! | |
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Joined:
May 2005
Posts: 486
Location: North Carolina | Female co-worker: "Men have their brains in their penises!"
Me: "Well, that explains my high I.Q." | |
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Joined:
April 2005
Posts: 331
Location: San Angelo, Texas | The California/Oregon State Department of Fish and Wildlife is
advising hikers, hunters, fishermen, and golfers to take extra
precautions and be on the alert for bears while in the Truckee,
Kirkwood, and Yosemite areas. They advise people to wear
noise-producing devices such as little bells on their clothing
to alert but not startle the bears unexpectedly. They also
advise you to carry pepper spray in case of an encounter with
a bear.
It is also a good idea to watch for signs of bear activity.
People should be able to recognize the difference between black
bear and grizzly bear droppings. Black bear droppings are
smaller and contain berries and possibly squirrel fur. Grizzly
bear droppings have little bells in them and smell like pepper. | |
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Joined:
April 2005
Posts: 331
Location: San Angelo, Texas | The blonde went to an eye doctor to have her eyes checked for
glasses. The doctor directed her to read various letters with
the left eye while covering the right eye. The blonde was so
mixed up on which eye was which that the eye doctor had to
take a paper bag with a hole to see through, covered up the
appropriate eye and asked her to read the letters.
As he did so, he noticed the blonde had tears streaming down
her face. "Look," said the doctor, "there's no need to get
emotional about getting glasses."
"I know," agreed the blonde, "But I kind of had my heart set
on wire frames." | |
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Joined:
April 2005
Posts: 331
Location: San Angelo, Texas | Mother Superior calls all the nuns together and says, "I must
tell you something; We have a case of gonorrhea."
A nun in the back says, "Thank God, I am tired of Zinfandel." | |
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Joined:
February 2003
Posts: 2178
Location: the BIG Metropolis of TR | SOME DEEP THOUGHTS FOR 2006....
Life is sexually transmitted.
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Men have 2 emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich!
Give a person a fish and you feed him for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
Some people are like a Slinky....not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
All of us could take a lesson from the weather....It pays no attention to criticism.
Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200 and a substantial tax cut saves you 30 cents?
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird... Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal. | |
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Joined:
February 2003
Posts: 2178
Location: the BIG Metropolis of TR | You have to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello, and too old to REALLY understand computers, to fully appreciate this.
For those of us who sometimes get flustered by our computers, please read on...
If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, "Who's on First?" might have turned out something like this:
COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT
ABBOTT: Hello,Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: No,the name's Lou.
ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you,my name's Lou.
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?
ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals,track expenses and run my business. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommend something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: For my office?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: OK,what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes,for my office!
ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.
COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK,let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".
COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
ABBOTT: One copy.
COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!
(A few days later)
ABBOTT: Hello,Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?
ABBOTT: Click on "START"............. | |
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Joined:
December 2003
Posts: 13996
Location: Upper Left USA | That's funny! | |
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Joined:
February 2003
Posts: 2178
Location: the BIG Metropolis of TR | A girl came skipping home from school one day.
"Mommy, Mommy, she yelled, "We were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10.
See? 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10!"
"Very good," said her mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde?" the girl asked.
"Yes, It's because you're blonde."
The next day the girl came skipping home from school.
"Mommy, Mommy,"she yelled, "We were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids said up to D, but I said it up to G.
See? A,B,C,D,E,F,G!"
"Very good," said her mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"
"Yes,It's because you're blonde."
The next day the girl came skipping home from school.
"Mommy Mommy!" she yelled,"We were in gym class today,and when we were showering,all the other girls had flat chests,but I have these!"
She lifted up her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs.
"Very good," said her embarrassed mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde,Mommy?"
"No Honey,Its because you're 24." | |
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OT-Joke of the Day