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Posts: 1225
Location: Lake Hiawatha, New Jersey | GEORGE CARLIN
COWS:
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government can
track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where
she sleeps in the state of Washington, and they tracked her calves to their
stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering
around our country. Maybe we should give them all a cow.
CONSTITUTION:
They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don't
we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys,
it's worked for over 200 years, and we're not using it anymore.
TEN COMMANDMENTS
The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a Courthouse?
You cannot post "Thou Shalt Not Steal," "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery",
and "Thou Shall Not Lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges, and
politicians! It creates a hostile work environment!
And last but not least...
George Carlin said it best about Martha Stewart. "Boy, I feel a lot safer
now that she's behind bars. ! O.J. Simpson and Kobe Bryant are still
walking around; Osama bin Laden too, but they take the one woman in America
willing to cook, clean, and work in the yard, and haul her ass off to
jail." |
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March 2002
Posts: 14842
Location: NJ | AbsolutelyBrilliant! |
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March 2002
Posts: 15678
Location: SoCal | Sometimes Carlin really hits his head with the nail..... that was great! |
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April 2004
Posts: 13303
Location: Latitude 39.56819, Longitude -105.080066 | That was some really funny stuff that wasn't full of dirty inuendos or curse words. Unusual in comedy these days.
GREAT POST JOHN! |
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February 2006
Posts: 60
Location: Berkeley, CA | Unusual for Carlin, too. |
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September 2003
Posts: 171
Location: Indiana | He can be abrasive to some but this is a good example of why I like the guy....most of the time he tells it like it is. His home page has a short message on it about things going on with him. The ending cracked me up because of the goofy expression my pitbull gets when I let him out to do his thing. It's like he's grinning because he can go in public and I can't. Plus, I agree with his feelings on the Bushit admin.
" Okay, that's it. I gotta go watch my dog take a shit. Thanks for visiting. Stay cool, and don't believe anything the Bush administration tells you. In fact, play it safe: don't believe anything anybody tells you."
George Carlin. |
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November 2003
Posts: 11039
Location: Earth·SolarSystem·LocalInterstellarCloud·Local Bub | "The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other going in the opposite direction."
"Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?"
"If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?"
"I'm not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain."
"I'm in shape. Round is a shape."
"I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific."
"Atheism is a non-prophet organization." |
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December 2004
Posts: 4394
Location: East Tennessee | Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
Will Rogers There are 2 theories to arguing with a woman...neither works.
Will Rogers Carlin hits the head of nail too. Great Post. :D |
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June 2003
Posts: 1792
Location: Rego Park, NY, | "If two people are in an elevator and one of them farts, They both know who did it"
George Carlin |
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February 2005
Posts: 11840
Location: closely held secret | Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. Well, art is art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water! And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now... You tell me what you know. GM |
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Joined:
November 2003
Posts: 11039
Location: Earth·SolarSystem·LocalInterstellarCloud·Local Bub | Originally posted by Phil Wong:
"If two people are in an elevator and one of them farts, They both know who did it"
George Carlin I'm going to found an entirely new religion based on this...
"Carlinistialism"
....Its First Postulate; "Thou Shalt Not Pretend Thou Doth Not Fart" |
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November 2004
Posts: 4413
| That's the Second Postulate.
Die heretic... |
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November 2003
Posts: 11039
Location: Earth·SolarSystem·LocalInterstellarCloud·Local Bub | That's it! I'm starting a reformation movement. |
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October 2005
Posts: 5331
Location: Cicero, NY | Careful. The best ones really get moving only after a human sacrifice.
And as leader... |
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March 2002
Posts: 14842
Location: NJ | The Druids were SO under-rated . . . |
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November 2003
Posts: 11039
Location: Earth·SolarSystem·LocalInterstellarCloud·Local Bub | Welcome to my church, Your Eminence. |
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OT: You gotta love George Carlin